Christine was hurting over a relationship that wasn’t a relationship, if you know what I mean.
She hadn’t seen Michael for months, though there had been sporadic text messages. He would say he loved her, but then ignore her texts for weeks……and then get in touch to tell her he still loved her…….and then ignore her again.
Christine wanted to know ‘when’ she and Michael would be together, ‘when’ he would commit to her……always when, not ‘if’.
Steve was weary……his wife had just filed for divorce, following a separation, and he had tried everything he could to patch things up. She would say one thing and then do another, give him hope and then snatch it away. He was emotionally drowning, and I suspect, had had several consultations with various other readers, hoping to hear something that would keep him going.
I have read for thousands of Christines and Steves, and they very often have one thing in common: THERE IS A BETTER, HAPPIER FUTURE, WITH A MORE COMPATIBLE PARTNER, somewhere further down the line! At the time they consult with me, they don’t believe that of course. In fact some of them become quite cross with me. And some of them refuse to let go, even allowing years to pass whilst they wait, and hope, and hurt. Eleanor told me that she ‘would NEVER give up’ on a man she hadn’t seen for two years. She considered it to be ‘real’ love, because it hurt, and because she was willing to sacrifice her own potential future happiness for someone who had made a life with someone else. You know how the old saying goes: if it hurts, it must be good for us! I really hope Eleanor doesn’t leave it too long, before opening her heart and mind to someone who will really value, appreciate and love her. He is out there, on the planet, as I type this……she just needs to turn her face to the sun, her back to the wind, spend a little time getting to know and enjoy herself again, and leave a space for a loving partner to step into.
One thing I often ask customers such as Christine, Steve and Eleanor is: “IS this LOVE?” True, even the best relationships have their ups and downs, but how does love actually behave….how does it feel? If there is more consistent pain, more uncertainty and more loneliness than there is comfort, emotional intimacy and shared fun…..IS it love?
I have a theory. Rejection is one of the hardest things to accept, to face, to grow beyond……and rejection is virtually always at the bottom of major relationship/love pain. To avoid the horrors of rejection, we can often find ourselves clinging on, even to people we don’t actually care that much for, if the truth be told! Sometimes we are genuinely shocked to be rejected….not expecting it, genuinely heartbroken. But more times it is the rejection itself that is hurting, rather than the loss of that person in our life. In many cases, there has been a history of struggle, of underlying resentment, of disappointment, before the relationship collapses into a messy pile. And if we experience rejection more than a couple of times, we can find ourselves attracting the same kinds of people and situations over and over….leading to more rejection. I have read for countless numbers of clients stuck in that trap, and they are always suffering.
But you know, nothing ever stays the same….every second and every minute passes by, life continuously rolls on, and we can, if we have faith, roll with it. The pain of rejection we feel today can be healed in a month or a year, and will eventually become a still frame on the face of time. Unless of course we use every ounce of our being to keep our mind and our emotions attached to what HAS to become part of the past. We can become mummified in our own mind and in our own life……and who likes the sound of that? There is always a new future, always new opportunities, new friends, new loves, beyond the horizon of the pain of rejection and the fear of change. We just have to hold our head high, keep our eyes forward, and embrace the pain…..and put one foot in front of the other. The journey may well be shorter and easier than we feared!