I have made messes in my own life more times than I can count. Finances, relationships, work…….you name it, I’ve cocked things up, accepted stuff I shouldn’t have accepted, made ridiculous decisions, reacted instead of responding……and yes, there are some things I would go back and change, if I could. I once heard someone say they never regret anything….well, that sounds great in theory, but to be honest, I didn’t believe them then, and I still don’t!
However, I must have done some good stuff as well. The evidence? Well, I have some great people in my life, and I have made it this far without losing that childlike optimism that my ex husband thought was such a waste of time (“You live in la la land…..I have to live in the REAL world”, to which I would respond “Well, maybe you should relocate……it seems so much nicer where I live)…..you know, the belief that everything will all turn out okay anyway…….if not sooner then later. And I now live in hope (next town along from la la land), and it isn’t too bad, on the whole. I sometimes climb the big hill that lies on the outskirts of the town called Hope, and try to catch glimpses of the next town several miles along, through the occasional gaps that appear in the swirling mist, and I gaze upon the smiling, satsified, happy faces of the residents of the place called Made It……..and I think “Someday…..someday…….just keep going……you’re bound to find the road that leads there…..THEY did, so it must be possible….”
But then I realise I am hooked on the journey, and that the town called Made It probably only exists in my mind. Living in Hope kind of messes with the brain, and shows each individual whatever he or she wishes to see. In my version of Made It, I don’t owe a single soul a single penny. I am calm, wise and responsive, rather than reactive. I ride my own gorgeous motorbike brilliantly, and it always starts first time, come rain or shine. My work leads me to help others to connect with their own amazing potential, and to develop their own personal relationship with the creative force of life. And in my version of Made It, my mind doesn’t wander off down doubtful, negative, gloomy pathways, at the drop of a hat: I work hard and play hard (and drink copious amounts of alcohol without becoming anything more than a little tipsy)……and….oh to hell with it….I am also a best selling author who entertains and inspires, I sing and play guitar almost as amazingly as Susan Tedeschi, and I get to drive a Formula 1 car (by now God is saying “Oh come onnnnnn…….even I can’t arrange THAT stuff!”). But without that image of arriving, baggage and all, at the border of Made It, and without the belief in its existence, there couldn’t/wouldn’t be a journey. Well there would be……but it would be a journey of survival, heading towards a place called Nowhere In Particular.
You know, I reckon I may end my days, still living in Hope……but at least I’ll die with a smile on my face, silently mouthing “Someday…..someday…..” . Cheers.