Monthly Archives: April 2016

CAROLINE QUENTIN……I AM SENDING YOU INTO ROOM 101!

I was watching old episodes of Room 101 last night on my laptop, filling my head with amusing stuff prior to falling asleep. For anyone who isn’t familiar with Room 101, it is a tv programme in which 3 different celebrities per week get to voice their opinions about things that bug them, from selected catagories, which may be something like ‘modern life’, or ‘people’. Then the host, Frank Skinner, gets to decide which hopefully comedic rant has been most persuasive, and dumps the object/subject in question into the imaginary room 101. The winning celeb is the one who has been most persuasive, overall.

Last night, on a re – run, I was dumped into room 101. Well, not me personally, but people who are ‘like’ me, professionally speaking…..under the banner heading of ‘clairvoyants’. And the audience applauded enthusiastically, I am afraid to say. The actress Caroline Quentin scathingly described what was obviously an evening of mediumship at a local cricket club, and indeed, it did sound as if it had been a bit pathetic……wild generalisations and things being made to fit, etc. She stated that she was choosing the subject because she didn’t ‘believe’, and Frank Skinner agreed that clairvoyants can be exploitative……..and off they zoomed, into the dark depths of an imaginary dungeon.

Now, I don’t have a problem with that, as such……people are absolutely entitled to their beliefs, or lack of. But uninformed opinions, ignorance, does bug me. If I was on the programme I would select Caroline Quentin to be dispatched to room 101 (I’d let Frank Skinner off because he is funny, and because he generally looks at stuff from different angles!) In French, “clairvoyant” literally means “clear-seeing,” mentally or optically. The term made a brief appearance in English in the 17th century, as an adjective suggesting a keen sense of perception, but it did not become firmly established in the language until the 19th century (I copied and pasted the highlighted bit from Merriam-Webster because it explains it better than I can can!)

Technically, clairvoyance means to see with the mind’s eye, in a perceptive way. When we sleep, and we dream, we do not observe our dreams through the use of our eyes, in a physical sense……we observe them through our mind……we see them upon a screen within our mind (but not a screen that can ever be physically located!). That means that everyone, apart maybe from those who are blind from birth, has clairvoyant ability. I imagine, though I can’t say for sure (will research the subject!), that blind people dream clairsentiently……they ‘feel’ rather than see. The term clairvoyant is now used to label anyone who works within the arena of prediction and/or mediumship…..but a person who communicates with the deceased is actually called a medium, not a clairvoyant.

Mediums, good and bad, effective or ineffective, honest or dishonest, MAY use clairvoyance, as in they are ‘seeing’ the spiritual entities they are actually communicating with, or pretending to communicate with, whichever it may be. Or they may use clairsentience, or they may use clairaudience, or a combination of all three. Anyone who describes him/herself as a clairvoyant is saying “I use intuitive vision”, whether they are a medium, and/or call themselves a psychic or an intuitive consultant.

Going back to Caroline Quentin’s sneering criticism, I have witnessed very wooden performances by actors, over – acting, and unconvincing acting. Does that mean that ALL performers (let’s use a cover – all term to lump everyone in the entertainment industry together!) are rubbish, and that all entertainment is a rip off and should be banned? Certain actors/actresses always play the same kind of character…..let’s not mention any names. On that basis, should those individuals be sent off to room 101, because I don’t believe in the characters they play, having seen the same performance again and again, regardless of the role? Some would say yes, and some would say no.

It is 2016, and surely by now spirituality…….our own spirituality………should no longer be considered something worthy of ridicule? Let’s be clear about what we are criticising. Is it people who are obviously not delivering what they say they can deliver, regardless of their profession? Or are we saying that anyone who works at an intuitive level is completely delusional…….that life is purely one dimensional, physical and practical, and there is nothing else beyond what we can see in the here and now? Even science doesn’t take THAT stance. ‘Future’ prediction seems possible and logical, when considering Einstein’s ‘fabric of time’! No – one, not even the best intuitive sees and feels everything, and neither do they all work in exactly the same way.

If people are con artists, or very poor at what they do, then put THEM into room 101 on that basis, whatever their profession. The human mind is an amazing, still largely unexplored, transmitter. We all have our own unique spiritual nature, and plenty of smart, informed and respected individuals can testify to experiences that are outside of the ‘norm’, in terms of limited human consciousness and understanding. You know, I personally have never seen Australia with my own eyes, but if I was to say “I only believe in what I can see”, as some still do, even in this enlightened age, I would be saying Australia doesn’t exist. It couldn’t do, because my closed mind would not allow it to. But some pretty believeable people have told me that THEY have seen Australia, and that it DOES exist……so hey, I think I’d be pretty dim if I continued to scoff at an idea or a concept because I consider myself just too damned smart to be fooled by something I haven’t adequately researched or experienced!

 

 

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NEVER GIVE UP…..KEEP TRYING UNTIL YOU GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE!

Without dreams and without hope, what is life? Without something to aspire to, something that makes our heart beat more quickly when we think about it, are we really LIVING? What if we reach for a hundred stars and get to hold 10 of them in our hands, isn’t that reason to celebrate the fact that we are a part of the fabric of this universal force of creative energy? I believe it is! Okay, so 90 stars remain beyond our finger tips……the odds are still pretty impressive! Life, like business, is a numbers game………the more stars (and people) we reach out to and tell our story to, the higher the odds of success. Believe me…..I have sold everything from bus stops to advertising space, in my pre – intuitive consultancy days…….and success is all about percentages!

And you know, we CANNOT afford to allow others to slide their knives of negativity in between us and our resolve, slicing away at who we are working on becoming……on the destinations we have set for ourselves. The knife wielders will act as if they know something we don’t, or are informing us of something we really should be aware of. And they may even smile whilst doing so, or feign concern for us. There is a world of difference between a genuinely concerned relative/friend/colleague/customer, and one whose motivation is to wound or lash out at us. If we really, truly believe in ourselves, in our quest, in our aims, and we know WHY those things are important to us, and what the intended results will be, we can’t go down and stay down…..we have to get back up again and remind ourselves of our successes to date,  and of our qualities……and the importance of our dreams.

Of course we need assistance from others and periodic feedback, along the way. There is a saying: ‘no man is an island’, and this is absolutely true. No man or woman ever achieved success in any field without input from others. Ever. And sometimes we need a wake – up call, a voice of reason and logic, a neutral source that provides us with objective insight. Other times we need encouragement from someone we know and love, someone we trust to be honest but gentle with us. And we also need to look towards those who have already proven their dream – making qualities, those who show us that circumstance alone does not make, shape or break us……unless we allow it to.

Whatever YOUR dream, if you know for sure that your motivation is coming from the best part of you, and that your intentions are positive, and that you desire the best for others as well as yourself…….and if you can be brave enough to stand for those dreams and keep going, even when progress is slow…..and if you can be tough enough to withstand the slings and arrows of those whose personal ‘issues’ cause them to feel the need to pull you down……. then hey, you will definitely pluck a handful (or more!) of stars from the sky of dreams and ambition, and get to bask in their warmth and sparkling light!

Quote: “In a sky full of people, only some want to fly……isn’t that crazy?” Seal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fc67yQsPqQ

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HAPPINESS IS AN ABSOLUTE NECESSITY, NOT A LUXURY…..A NICE LONG BLOG!

I am not a believer in false positivity, and let’s face it, most of us find it easier to  be cheerful when things are going well.

But it is when life is tough that we need to be able to call upon our happiness skills the most……and if you feel you need to develop and improve those skills, you’ve come to the right place!

Let me take you back in time. It was the day before Christmas eve, and my family were facing eviction from our rented home within the following four weeks. We had nowhere to go, and no money, and there were a number of other issues tangled up within the whole sticky mess. My friend, who I always considered to be ‘posh’, had just given us her old sofa……her version of old, I might add, not mine….and it took pride of place in our upstairs living room.

The rest of the family were downstairs, and I clearly remember sitting on the long, dark blue sofa, looking at the lights on the Christmas tree, gazing into the flames of the coal fire……and feeling a surge of pleasure and happiness flow through me. You’d think I didn’t have a care in the world! The experience interested me……I knew I was facing some pretty dark days ahead, but somehow I felt…….happy. It didn’t last of course, but still, I wondered how it was possible to feel so at one with life when in the midst of chaos.

To fully appreciate what I am saying, you need to know that I have put myself through all kinds of crap throughout my life, and consequently have faced many, many hanging – off – the – cliff – and – just – about – to – go – over – the – edge kind of moments……..but somehow I always managed to hang on! Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t breezed through everything with a sublime smile (good friends will definitely testify to that!). I have, metaphorically speaking, sweat blood and tears on a million occasions. But yet I have had many experiences that are akin to the sun suddenly breaking through the darkest rainclouds, uplifting my spirit and causing me to sigh with pleasure. And they led me to conclude that it IS possible to still be happy when the world is falling down around our ears (whether it is of our own doing or not). Of course, there are absolutely extreme circumstances in which it would be impossible to experience anything other than despair……but even then, it is amazing how often people find the strength to move beyond the horror, enough to be able to continue living and functioning. Here, I am talking about everyday, ‘normal’ life stuff.

I began to realise just how important happiness is. Most of my clients tell me that they ‘just want to be happy’. Billions of pounds are being spent on researching happiness. Apparently we are unhappier than past generations, and those who lived through the great wars were happier than we are today. But whenever a person tells me she just wants to be happy, I ask exactly WHAT she means by happy…..what is her personal interpretation of happiness….and the response is usually one of surprise…..followed by a furrowed brow…..followed by a shrug of the shoulders…..followed by “Well, you know…….happy. Erm…..content. Secure……I don’t really know”. So you see, we all want happiness, but many of us just cannot define or explain it! Generally speaking, happiness is an unexplored idea, whilst unhappiness is something we can usually describe without any trouble at all! Interesting, isn’t it?

I believe I know how everyone can be happier, not just when things are great, but when they are tough, too. At least, I know what works for me, and I have seen it work for clients too. The answer lies within the nature of our own thoughts…..and YES, and I know we’ve all heard that a million times. But do we really, truly understand and appreciate WHY it is a fact, and why and how it works?

Fact 1: What we think, consistently and regularly, creates our beliefs.

Fact 2: What we believe creates our emotional responses.

Fact 3: Emotional responses create feelings.

Fact 4: Feelings always lead us into some form of action (or non – action, which is still an action!).

Fact 5: Our actions always lead to an outcome or result.

Fact 6: The results we experience lead us to form an opinion, meaning we think something……which feeds a particular belief, which creates an emotion, which causes us to feel, which leads us to act (or react)…..which leads us to an outcome.

And round we go again. If the results we are consistently getting are healthy and productive, great. If not, we need to recognise and break the cycle…..again and again until we have developed a new, more rewarding pattern that becomes the ‘norm’ for us. And if we genuinely commit to this process, we WILL see definite improvement, and we will feel more able to control and direct our own thoughts, and be less at the mercy of our emotions. It’s a tried and tested fact, not an opinion!

Is it simple? Yes. Is it easy? Hell no. But what IS easier……repeating the same old patterns and getting the same old results, waiting and hoping that he/she will change, or the world will change, or that fate will suddenly sort it all out for us…….OR taking conscious control of our own thoughts, as often as we need to, until we learn to respond in a considered way, rather than reacting? The darker our current circumstances, the more this is important. It will enable us to get out of the fog of emotional turmoil and drama, to see what makes sense and what doesn’t, and to find solutions, rather than being crushed by problems. And more importantly, it gives us dominion over our own inner world…….we become less vulnerable to other people’s unacceptable behaviour, whilst we figure out what we are going to do. Sometimes we can change things overnight…..sometimes we have a bit of a journey ahead of us. But whichever it is, knowing for sure that WE choose how and what we think, not other people, regardless of their behaviour, will empower us and lead to healing.

And this is how I myself approach it. I consciously watch over my inner dialogue, and I look out for signs of unreasonable thinking. Yesterday, a young lady was unnecessarily brusque with me, rude even……but I reminded myself of all the times I have been rude to others, and that as she has a number of young children, she was probably feeling worn out. The old me would have either argued with her, and/or brooded over it. I was a little hurt, but my reasoning allowed me to let it go. Whenever we find ourselves reacting about someone or something, it is helpful to ask: “When did I do that myself, or at least something similar?” You know, I can generally come up with a number of examples, which tends to shut me up! This will apply to personal relationships as well as general everyday life.

I have learned to take responsibility for my own choices and actions (and dear God, has it taken persistance!). If I am in a lousy situation, be it relationship, work or career wise, I look for my own contribution. I am not talking about self criticism or loathing…….I am talking about self – honesty. If I can be strong enough to be honest with myself, even when it hurts like hell, I stand a much greater chance of sorting my problems out and improving my circumstances. I may be largely responsible, or hardly responsible at all, but it is a completely necessary part of the process. If I believe myself to be a victim, I have no power whatsoever.

I do my best to recognise and avoid bitterness.Bitterness is the worst emotion (the second worst being guilt), and if allowed to flourish, it poisons and destroys our spirit, our looks, and our health. Not one ounce of good can ever come out of it. And the bigger the reason to feel bitter, the more we need to conquer it. It serves no healthy purpose, and is even more powerful when we hide it, and pretend we have ‘dealt with THAT’…..when we clearly haven’t. We can heal it by becoming aware of the thoughts that bring the bitterness rushing to the surface, and refusing to think them…..changing those thoughts for different ones everytime they push into our mind. And also by reasoning things out. So, maybe one or both of our parents abandoned us or has never really been there for us. We can remind ourselves that just because two people have sex and conceive a child it doesn’t mean they have an inner ability or desire to parent and nurture. And also that the perfect parent – child relationship doesn’t exist…and that we have made it this far in life, and we have plenty of good people who love us, so, hey, it hasn’t turned out exactly as we’d have hoped, but it is what lies ahead of us NOW that counts. Ongoing bitterness is going to steal away our potential happiness and well – being……..and what purpose would that serve?

I take my mind away from the same – old same – old as often as possible. I can have a bunch of problems but still be able to feel awe and wonder at a million different things. I like that about myself…..there has been much I have had to work on, and yes, things I have definitely regretted……but I am beginning to appreciate my ‘good’ points too. I want to feel proud of myself, NOT for surviving against the odds and inspite of other people’s failings (that’s a defensive attitude!), but because I am doing my best to consciously develop and grow in a positive, productive way.

I have goals and aims to aspire to. I want to feel inspired by my own life, and to expand my mental horizons as far as they will go!

I involve myself in creative pursuits….even if I have to arrange my day accordingly. The human spirit needs creativity and fun…….it isn’t a luxury……it is food for the soul! We can all find SOME time throughout a week to write, or paint, or dance or bake cakes or read an inspirational book, or to indulge in a hobby. We don’t have to be great at it……but we can get better!

I NEVER say “I take each day as it comes”, or “I just want security”, or “I have to live in the real world”, or “When is my life going to get better?”. I just don’t. I have to believe that I have within me the capacity to heal my own mind, to learn through experience and self honesty, and to always feel hopeful…..to believe that the life I am painting in my mind will take shape and form in this physical world…….and that requires magic, not logic!

I go back to the drawing board as often as I need to. The moment I become aware that my mind is heading off towards the dark, dark woods, I pull it back. The moment I become aware that my own mindset, my own attitude, my own actions are not in line with who and what I say I am becoming, I have to take responsibility and alter them.

I am not falsely positive, I do speak up, I do my best to avoid passive – aggressive behaviour, and I am not suggesting that anyone should ‘pretend’ to be feeling anything they aren’t. But if we are feeling stressed, stretched, anxious and controlled by life, our own engine room has to be the first port of call……tidy that up, and everything else becomes that much easier to deal with.

I talk to God…..every single day, several times a day. I am not talking about religion, or about a man who sits on a cloud with a clipboard, deciding who gets what and who doesn’t. I am talking about being a part of a creative life force, and I honestly feel that it wants the best for me. It wants me to be and have what I want to be and have….and it is up to me to decide what that looks and feels like. This is a dimension of free will…….we get to choose how we experience it, regardless of circumstance. God doesn’t do it all for us…..but it assists our own efforts. And if we say we want to be happy in love, whilst choosing an incompatible partner and situation, God will throw a clanger in the works. Not to hurt us, but to help us change pathway towards our own stated intention. If the person we are hankering after is never going to fulfill our wish/need for a healthy, mutually supportive relationship, God, who has an arial view of our life, is going to put up a road block on our behalf. We then get to understand and accept the action, or we kick against it, screaming in indignation and resentment….and feeling ‘let down’.

I repeat selected affirmations regularly, making sure I put real emotional energy behind them, whilst doing my my best to avoid following them up with negative reinforcement……which is very easy to do, I am afraid!

I still slip up….I am definitely not perfect. I am still striving……but the striving makes me feel alive and always hopeful……..I am really looking forward to all the stuff I am yet to learn, and to become. And yes, I know there will be times when sadness comes to call…..but that is all the more reason to build up my happiness quota right now, and whenever it is ripe for the picking!

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MONEY, ABUNDANCE AND HOW THE LAW OF ATTRACTION REALLY WORKS!

Really committing to re – programming our subconscious mind, and de – cluttering it of old, outdated beliefs is a liberating experience! Don’t get me wrong, though…….I am not saying it is easy, and it certainly doesn’t lead to immediate, physical results……but something definitely changes, right from the start. I know there are many people out there who will say “Oh, I tried doing that and it doesn’t work!” I can sympathise with that viewpoint, because I myself spent years attempting to use the ‘law of attraction’ beneficially, but with only slow moving, stop – start results. And that is because my understanding and my approach were not adequate, not up to the job. I have always managed to just get by, to just survive, and I realized that that was because I was actually programming my own subconscious mind to achieve only that.

So, stating my intentions and repeating affirmations for abundance was only very mildly affective…..because I had not genuinely healed my underlying poor abundance mentality! I see lots of people doing the same thing…….visualising, affirming, talking the talk…….but without getting much further on, and becoming disheartened and frustrated. The secret (no pun intended, as we are talking about the law of attraction!) lies in being willing to really dig deep, in a non – intense way, into our own deeper mind…..and recognising and feeling what lies there. Most people who are attempting to re – programme their subconscious mind towards a more fulfilling and abundant life are trying too hard (intensity and strain negates any productive work we do), are not digging deeply enough into their own stockpile of perceptions and beliefs, and are often squashing positive, hearfelt affirmations and statements of intention with automatically generated negatives……without even being consciously aware! So……it is more tricky than we have been led to believe, from certain quarters, but tricky is okay……we can get beyond that!

There is an erroneous belief that money/abundance is a form of reward. I have heard more than one intelligent person say “Why should someone like him/her, who is selfish and and not particularly nice, have so much, when I, who am not selfish, and who works so hard, have so much less?” Because he/she doesn’t have the money/abundance blocks that you do…….they have no issues with money and gain, and allow it to pour into their life! There are two ways that people become wealthy: by following the light path, or following the dark path! People like Richard Branson have followed the light path, with passion for life and a burning desire to explore and create (and thankfully there are many, many more like him on planet Earth)…..and I will leave it to you to figure out who appears to have taken the dark path! Money doesn’t care…..it just goes where it is genuinely and warmly welcomed, and tends to follow after its kind (you’ve heard the saying that money goes to money). Money doesn’t have feelings, and it doesn’t rationalise……it just circulates where it feels the greatest pull! And desperation is not a great pull. And yes, there are individuals who suddenly come into money out of the blue, say as in a lottery win, without appearing to have consciously drawn it to them. I don’t have an explanation (yet!) for the apparent randomness of a lottery win…..but I will say, having researched the subject, that it quickly sorts those who have a strongly developed relationship with money from those who don’t!

But of course, abundance isn’t just about money. It is about appreciation, gratitude, opportunity, the capacity to feel wonder and awe, and to savour life. Money just makes everything so much easier, and more fun!

And for those who still believe that they have a healthy relationship with money, whilst saying things like “money doesn’t buy happiness”, or “I only need enough to get by….I am not greedy”, I would say you still have some underlying blocks. Which is absolutely fine! The trick to life is to develop in our own chosen way, and to find our own level of satisfaction. Of course I will enjoy and use the abundance I invite my way, but my biggest desire is to develop and grow in a whole way…..not just spiritually, mentally, emotionally and socially……but also financially, too, otherwise I will have left something out. Someone told me recently that her partner worked and worked, and even when at home found something to do, to occupy him. He had sworn that when he became a father he wouldn’t do what his father had done, and he would make time for his family…….but then continued to follow in his father’s footsteps! She reminded him of his promise, and he became defensive, saying “Well, that’s what happens….that’s what people do….we have to live in the real world. We’ll have our time when the kids have grown up!” He is forgetting that merely making money does not make a person successful, if he or she is not developing in other ways too. Success and abundance can be celebrated and enjoyed when we ourselves are blossoming…..and when we can share it with those we love.

ITCHY BOTTOMS AND THE REAL WORLD

You know, people often say to me, in a defensive way, “I have to live in the REAL world”…… even though they are consulting me to find out if things are going to be different…..as if they are somehow resigned to being stuck right where they are, regardless. But isn’t the REAL world an interesting place?  Have you EVER indulged in the pastime of people watching? It’s a brilliant way to pass the time!

Billy Connolly, a pioneer in the field of ‘real world’ comedy, has it down to a fine art. Last night, in bed, we were watching old clips of his shows, and on one he was talking about  itchy bottoms in public places (and acting it all out!). He had been talking about flying, and saying that real pilots have a posh accent, and are always called something like Nigel Carruthers…and that led him to talk about itchy bottoms. He said that the upper classes don’t get itchy bottoms…it is only working class people who do! For some reason that really made me laugh. It is true about the surreptitious movements we make in an attempt to try to relieve an itch we develop in a ‘sensitive’ area, whilst out in public…..but it isn’t something we generally discuss with others!

When I lived in Liverpool, life was awash with crazy, real life moments, and I really loved it. Once, when I missed the bus to Manchester, the driver of a different bus that was just leaving the station, said “Get on love, we’ll catch it up!” And he did just that. We tore through Liverpool at a rapid rate of knots, and the only two other passengers, a couple of old ladies, were pinned to the backs of their seats under the influence of a huge G – force. He headed my bus off at the pass, just before it reached the motorway, and when I asked what I owed him, he said “Buy me a pint next time you see me”. I never did see him again, so I still owe him, but hey, he gave me a memory to last a lifetime. For him, just another day in the life of a Liverpool bus driver!

And people in real life, when making an appointment, say things like; “Do you still live in the same place?” I don’t know…..where was I living last time you came to see me? Or “How do I get to yours, then?” I don’t know…..you haven’t told me where you live. A lady phoned me recently and asked if she could have an appointment within the following three days. I said “Yes. Can you come tomorrow morning?” and she said “Yes…..but I can’t come on Monday” ??? She also said “I tried calling you a couple of minutes ago, but I always press my ear too hard to the phone and cut myself off!” Don’t you love this kind of stuff? My ex mother in law once told us, with all seriousness, that the butcher’s dog had ‘minge’ (not mange). And recently one of our cats arrived home with a piece of warm, fried chicken in his mouth……we waited anxiously, intending to be ‘out’ when an angry and hungry someone – or – other banged on our front door, but it seems we dodged that bullet. 

But IS all that what people really mean when they say they have to live in the real world? Or are they referring to a perceived lack of opportunity for change and growth? Well…..I suppose all that can be said is that the real world IS whatever we believe it to be.