These are my stories, about my own personal experiences. I am not inviting debate or argument, and have no interest in attempting to prove anything to anyone. We believe what we believe, and we only alter those beliefs if and when we choose to.
In the days when I visited other people’s homes to give consultations, I was once left waiting, in the converted loft, for the next customer to arrive. A man and woman climbed the stairs and seated themselves upon two chairs that were not actually there…….because the man and woman were not solid, in the physical sense. They were what is commonly called ‘spirits’. They did not acknowledge me, and after a couple of minutes they left, the same way they came. Eventually the customer arrived, and we began the consultation…….and once again the couple climbed the stairs and took their old seats. I explained what I was seeing, and described how the man and woman looked, and the surprised customer exclaimed “That’s my mum and dad!” What interested me the most was the fact that they obviously got fed up waiting for their daughter to quit gabbing downstairs, and decided to come back later. I don’t know where they went, or what they did, but as soon as the ‘communication’ was over, they left.
On the same evening, once again I was left waiting whilst the customers chatted downstairs about what I said to who, when I felt a tingle, a tickle, on my top lip……and I suddenly became aware of a little dark haired girl, holding the hand of an adult, stepping back from me……she had kissed me on the lips! And then I heard her say “Can she see me?”, so I waved, she smiled and waved back, and was gone. I did not discover who the child was, but was fascinated by the fact that she could see me long before I saw her. We human beings, in solid physical form, talk about seeing ghosts or spirits……..and clearly there are non – physical beings who talk about seeing humans! And I bet others tell them that humans don’t exist, and that they are alone in their particular dimension!
As I have said before, I don’t currently actively promote spiritual communication, for a number of reasons. I am as fascinated by life in the physical world as I am by existence in a non – physical dimension. More so maybe, because whilst we are here we have to live, and grow, and develop…….and I believe that everything we do and everything we become is completely important and relevant, for ever and ever……especially beyond physical life. And if it is possible to catch glimpses of other – dimensional beings, it is definitely possible to catch glimpses of our future possibilities and pitfalls!
I am truly not blowing my own trumpet here, but I was really pleased to receive this email, and I wanted to share it…….for a specific reason:
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt compelled to dig up this consultation and saw that it had been almost a year since it had been done. Several things have already come to pass, including the people mentioned. You gave me valuable insight on my main question and I was able to cut myself from the situation without any attached emotions, while managing to learn from it. You have always delivered the good and bad with such kindness that each consultation has felt like having coffee with a (wise) friend!
Thank you for all,
Viv 🙂 x
This lady has highlighted what I love about my work……the actual ‘making a difference’! BUT, it only came about because she re – visited her consultation, further down the line. Funnily enough, on the same day I received this, another customer was emailing me to say she couldn’t see how what I had predicted could come about……she just couldn’t see that stuff unfolding. My work is an ongoing cycle. Dismiss now, understand later. We know what we know right now, at this moment in time. We feel, believe, and see things from who we are today…….not who we will be in another year or three or ten. I politely asked that lady what she had been expecting to hear……why, if she was sure she knew what was coming up, she had chosen to have the consultation. She said because having readings (I call them consultations, because the customer consults with me) was fun, and maybe she was looking for validation. But you can see how tricky that can be. I don’t think consultations are fun. Sometimes a decent consultation hurts like hell. My own life has hurt like hell, many times………and I have resisted change, growth……the truth even……as much as the next person (maybe more). But I have benefited ( I had to look up the spelling on that last word……two T’s or one?) from the wisdom and experience of many others, thanks to books and Youtube. Someone out there always knows, for sure, what I need to know. And I myself know some stuff other people need to know. Not everything. Not every single last detail. But some stuff. But if it is all immediately dismissed, how can it be helpful, in the bigger picture? I suppose that depends upon what we are seeking, and how open we are to the idea of that ‘bigger picture’.
Anyway, there it is. I will proudly add this email to my ‘testimonials’ page, as Lewis Hamilton and Seb Vettel add their F1 trophies to their collection. True, I didn’t risk life and limb, but I was doing what I know how to do. And I will always celebrate the victories!
She walked into my house with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She described herself as paranoid, and her anxiety was palpable. I really had to work with her, to steer her away from the vortex of emotional drama, to get her feet back onto dry land, so to speak. By the time she left, her shoulders were lifted, she was smiling, thanking me profusely. Why? Because I was able to show her that she was not, after all, paranoid, and that the anxiety she said was becoming ‘louder’ in her head, every single day, needed to be listened to. Not overwhelmed by, not drowned by…….but listened to.
Several times she slipped back from calm thinking towards the entrance of that bubbling vortex of miserable anxiety and over – thinking (overlaid by attempts to shut it all up and bury it)……and I had to be firm with her. No more vortex. Pause, breathe, and then go to the bottom line. Work out the facts, and separate them from the drama. And then respond from that place, if necessary, rather than repeating old reactive patterns. Why? Because if she genuinely wanted to move away from feeling so emotionally over – loaded and trapped, if she wanted to feel more in control of her everyday life…..and her future…….the old way would not cut it.
I did my usual: ‘if you do this, then this is how things will be; if you do that, then that is how things will be. Here are your choices. These are the potential pathways that lie ahead, where your personal development, and your relationship, is concerned. You are not stuck….or at least you don’t have to be. There are no magic, instant answers……but there ARE choices, and there is more than one potential pathway to follow’. I gave my best, as I always do, but when she left my home, she was on her own, so to speak. She had a recording of her consultation to refer back to, when necessary, but she alone can keep herself safe from the vortex, until it no longer poses a threat. I wish her the best of luck…….she has great potential, but she also has consistent work to do. I believe in her……and hopefully she will believe in herself.
It is easy to behave in a paranoid way, and to think idealistically and unrealistically. We are all guilty of it, from time to time (though yes, it has to be said, I have come across a few who have turned paranoia and idealism into an olympic sport!). However, sometimes our ‘gut’, our inner knowing, is absolutely right…..and it noisily eats away at us until we quietly and calmly listen to it. And once it feels we have genuinely listened, it tends to stop munching and shut up. However, it is difficult to separate what is pure desire/wishful thinking or fearful/paranoid thinking, from what is intuitive, gut prompting……especially when we are hovering dangerously close to the emotionally reactive vortex of misery and temporary insanity! I am pretty sure we can feel the difference, if we really stop, breathe, and step back a little. Gut prompting is insistent, and feels solid, even if it is painful. The other is changeable, draining, and uncomfortable in a different way…….somehow, deep down inside, we do know. But maybe we don’t want to know, because knowing would mean we would either have to take action, or let go of something. Sometimes, unconsciously, the pain of not being sure is more comfortable than facing change. You know, we humans are too darned complicated for our own good!
Obviously people only consult with me when they are lost, or stuck, or have problems, or questions they hope can be answered. Sometimes the whole lot applies! It is the nature of the business. So, it stands to reason that anyone who contacts me with regard to their love life has issues or doubts, which are over and above the ‘usual’ relationship challenges that most of us face periodically.
There are certain situations that come up again and again, regardless of where people are on the planet, and regardless of their culture. It seems that there are only a small number of potential ‘hazzards’ we are likely to come up against, and that we tend to have a limited number of possible approaches or ways of responding, where relationship issues are concerned. Of course, to a heartbroken or angry lover, that won’t cut any ice, because he or she feels as if it is only them who are hurting so badly, at that moment in time. And often this heartache and anger renders the sufferer ultra – sensitive to anything they can’t bear to hear, face or take – on board, until much further down the line.
But DO relationship problems have to mean that all is lost, and can never be found again? Of course not……but it really, really depends upon the nature of the problems, AND the circumstances that led to those problems. There is a dreadful condition that can strike human beings, one that infiltrates the heart and mind, taking control and creating emotional mayhem: I call it ‘romantic – reality – blindness’. The good news is that it usually runs out of steam……..eventually. The bad news is that that can, on occasions, take longer than is healthy. And the REALLY bad news is that sometimes it DOESN’T run out of steam at all……it just transfers itself to any new relationship the bearer becomes involved in. The good news there is that the bearer CAN, anytime they choose, make a genuinely concerted effort to recapture control of the heart/mind centre, forcing out the emotional dis – ease that is romantic – reality – blindness……..freeing him/herself again to attract a mutually happy and healthy relationship……that comes with all the ‘normal’ warts of love, of course!
The question is, though…….how do we KNOW whether a relationship that is going through a rough phase……OR a relationship that is more about conflict and resistance than love……actually holds any real potential for healthy, long term commitment? If that question was easy to answer, there wouldn’t be so many people hanging onto incredibly painful situations, for so long.
I think that first of all we need to decide what our personal version of love looks and feels like…….and what we believe a relationship ‘should’ look like.This is a biggie, because if we say we love someone, whilst also believing that they need to change quite a lot about who and what they are, in order for us to be happy with them, it may be we want different things……and a different kind of partner.
So, if one person really wants commitment and all that it involves, but the other half isn’t ready for it, or says that they are whilst behaving as if they AREN’T, who wins? What would love do, under those circumstances?
If one person has turned their back on a relationship, either completely or partially, whilst the other half still wants it wholly, who wins? What would love do, under those circumstances?
If one person comes on strong with another, either promising ‘more’, or implying genuine interest……only to disconnect, either completely or partially……who wins? What would love do, under those circumstances?
If a couple are more in conflict than in harmony and agreement, if one or both refuses to compromise, to behave in an emotionally mature way, point scoring and undermining……who wins? What would love do, under those circumstances?
If one person has a ‘double’ life, who wins? What would love do, under those circumstances?
If we are hanging onto the ‘good times’ we shared in a relationship, even if they ended years ago, who wins? What would love do under those circumstances?
If billions of people are able to attract and maintain relatively balanced, acceptably healthy long term relationships, why can’t everyone? Is it luck? Is it timing? What else is involved? And what do we believe?
Do we believe a relationship should be about being inseparable from one another?
Do we believe a relationship should provide material security?
Do we believe a relationship should always remain in the intense, ‘honeymoon’ period?
Do we believe that real love is edgy, unreliable, exciting, and requires self – sacrifice?
Do we believe love will make us happy, fill a gap within us?
Do we fear love, distrust it, whilst craving it?
Do we desire love, whilst not wanting anything to change our lifestyle, or asking too much of us?
Do we confuse need, or fear of rejection, or familiar patterns, with love?
Have we learned to tell the difference between:
someone who genuinely cares for us, has regard and respect for us, even if, for whatever reason, they are behaving out of character or struggling (temporarily) with life
someone who clearly does not care about how we feel, who talks the talk but whose consistent actions provide no evidence of commitment, who picks us up and drops us down
someone who hasn’t been in touch for weeks/months/years
And if not……why not?
REMEMBER, there is one fact many of us lose sight of, especially when afflicted by romantic – reality – blindness: LOVE has to start with ourselves. If we don’t understand how actual love behaves, because maybe we never really experienced it in childhood, we won’t be deeply familiar with it. There are other reasons, of course, for human beings not developing a genuine awareness of what is loving, and what isn’t, no matter how it is dressed up. But it is never too late to see love in a different light.
I would say that:
If the object of our desire continually makes promises they do not keep, especially from afar, they have no real respect or love for us. Attraction, maybe……casual affection……but not love.
If the object of our desire has not instigated real, quality – type contact with us for months or years, they have no genuine interest in, or love for, us. We are not on their radar.
If the object of our desire also has another relationship, they may well care for us, but they come with a lot of potential problems……and if we look beyond exciting, romantic love, to the bigger picture of the ‘real’ future, would both parties have enough genuine love and emotional strength to withstand all that permanent togetherness would demand……AND to survive the ongoing fall – out that would inevitably follow?
If we have interest in more than one person as a possible partner, or have someone we ‘fall back’ on whenever we are without a love interest (or if WE are the one someone else falls back on!), is love involved?
If we are honestly and truly experiencing more lonely days/nights than satisfying ones, if we are consistently analysing and chewing things over, if we are always waiting and wondering, if we are spending more time fretting about our love life than any other area of life, if we are unable to plan ahead, if we long to feel ‘normal’ and be in a ‘normal’ relationship, if we find ourselves becoming defensive and reactive (or secretive) about our love life, if we go to one psychic, tarot reader or intuitive consultant after another, asking about our love life……..it is unlikely to be love.
And if we know, deep down inside, that we are doing something, feeling something, allowing something to continue, something we would hate to see a friend experiencing……..if we find ourselves avoiding certain people because we know they are going to challenge our actions, concerned for our well – being…….and if we say things like “Yes, but WE are different to other people…….this really IS love”, or “It MUST be love if I feel this intense/connected…..and I am prepared to wait forever for him/her to recognise that I am their soulmate”,……..it is unlikely to be love.
If we believe love demands emotional pain, conflict and self – sacrifice, that it has to be earned and proved, in order for it to be REAL love……IS it love?
You know……I reckon, deep down inside all of us, we do know when a relationship is worth sticking with, even when it is going through a bad patch……as much as we do know when it ISN’T. And it is the second knowing that hurts the most, leading us to hang on with both hands, furiously defending ourselves along the way. It is the second knowing that causes us to forget to love ourselves, first and foremost. To be able to give someting, we have to have it, in the first place……time, energy, money……..love. Showing love to ourselves shows the world that we believe we are worth loving………not ignoring, not avoiding, not being lied to, not being made second best…..but LOVING.And it is never too late to start!