What on earth does ‘self – belief’ really mean? What is ‘confidence’ about? These are things a lot of us believe we lack, but that other people have in abundance. This week I received an email from a distant (geographically speaking!) relative, and one of the things she spoke about was personalising and internalising the behaviour and attitude of those around us. Believing that we must somehow have upset or offended the person who was acting with attitude or dismissiveness, whilst we were in their company….even though many others were also present. And I could absolutely relate to her story…..and I bet zillions of others could, too. Logic tells us that everything isn’t ‘about us’. Emotion tells us that it is!
This week I ‘read’ for a lady whose lack of self – belief was palpable. It wasn’t obvious, not something she was outwardly projecting through her body language, facial expression or tone of voice. But still, as I tuned in to her energetic field, there it was, lurking like heavy, luke warm mist…….and with it came anxiety, a sense that she must always be on guard duty, always ready for what could go wrong. She confided that she was afraid of being happy. I disagreed…..I suggested she was afraid of having her happiness ‘taken away’ from her. Like when people say they are afraid of flying. They probably aren’t………..more likely they are afraid of plummeting to earth at a rapid rate of knots! And I don’t think she was being silly…….I am pretty sure many, many people can relate to her fear. As can many people relate to the kind of paranoia my relative described. Outer displays of confidence do not mean that the person in question is fearless……it just means that he or she has decided to push on regardless, and despite the inner agonies!
So, it seems that social paranoia and fear of losing what is precious to us is normal. But also, we are ALL confident in areas of life that are familiar to us……so it isn’t that we ever completely lack confidence. We just wobble over things that are not so familiar…….until we push on to the point that they BECOME familiar! And as for self – belief……well, I think it begins with belief in SOMETHING…..a skill, a standard, a value, an activity, a goal. If we believe in what we are doing, self – belief tends to follow on. If we don’t believe in what we are doing, we feel miserable, and as if we are wasting time and energy…..and life.
But always we must identify the real issue. The lady I read for gained valuable insight into her own deeper, unconscious thinking, affording her the opportunity to acknowledge the real issue, and to begin the healing process. Happiness avoidance is not the answer, because her actual issue is fear of loss, of not being worthy……and that is where the healing is required. I asked her to consider the times in the past she had faced great, uncomfortable change…..times that represented loss of the old ways. And then I asked her if she had died, as a result, or whether anyone she loved had been abducted by aliens, or imprisoned. The answer was no. I also asked her if she had manouvered her way through it all, and if she was still living, breathing and functioning. And of course the answer was yes. So basically, she is doing great, and heading in a productive direction! It is so easy to imagine that everyone else on the planet has it sussed, and that we are the odd ones out. I can tell you…..I have given consultations to ‘ordinary’ folks like myself, and also to well known names……..and there is little difference, emotionally speaking!