CAN you change the course of your destiny? Is there more than one potential future ahead for you……more than one possible outcome?
I absolutely believe so. Okay, it is true that we don’t have control over every last thing that comes our way. There are some things that happen that we definitely did not create or invite in (I know that the purist new – age advocates would have us believe otherwise), and then all we can do is decide how to respond to those things. However, throughout the course of our everyday life, we are constantly creating through the ideas we follow up, and the choices we make.
We are either plodding along (albeit busily), or we are motivated by inspiration or desperation……and in my case, it is usually the last one! Let’s face it, most of us continue down the same pathway, thinking, saying and doing the same things, until life throws a hand grenade our way. And then we react. Now, there is nothing wrong with busily plodding, if that is what we genuinely want……if we have consciously, deliberately chosen that for ourselves, and accept what comes with that choice. But what if we have just become caught up in everyday life, or have become complacent? What if we have never given it a second thought, assuming that this is all there is? Or what if we believe that everything should stay exactly the way it is, and that we are entitled to a smooth pathway? Then that hand grenade is going to blow us apart, mentally and emotionally speaking.
But what if life is trying to show us a bigger picture, and the only way it has been able to reach us is by using shock tactics? Harsh, I know……but if you are like me, even though you are always thinking, planning, analysing and wishing, it often takes a swift, hard kick up the rear end to make you aware of other, bigger, better possibilities, and to put your money where your mouth is!
So…..we lose our job, or our business runs down. Can we accept the struggle, accept the discomfort, put our thinking caps on……and use our imagination? What ELSE could possibly be out there, beyond the limits of our comfort zone? Are we willing to move backward or sideways, if needs be, in order to go forward? Is our list of ‘musts and shoulds’ too restrictive……can we stretch ourselves, and be open to things we did not previously consider?
So…..a relationship is proving to be just too problematic, or almost non – existent. Have we decided that this is all we are likely to get, and that we have to just keep hanging on, losing ourselves, inch by inch? Have we convinced ourselves that we cannot live without this person, and that real love is made up of high and lows, pain and self – sacrifice? Or can we remember that we functioned perfectly well before he or she showed up, and that if we can feel love for someone who doesn’t consistently respond to us with respect, honesty, kindness and consideration, imagine how much we could feel for someone who does…..and vice versa!
So……we don’t have enough cash to live the life we want to. What are we going to do about it? Do we believe we have no options, other than winning the lottery (which we don’t believe we will, because we never win anything), or making ‘easy’ cash as in a compensation claim (because we are entitled to it, and anyway other people are doing it)? Are we only open to either ‘get rich quick’ schemes (been down that pathway!) or nothing? Or do we have ideas, skills, talents, knowledge or other resources we could develop, on our own or with help?
Back to the original question: Can we shift the course of our destiny? The answer has to be yes…….we are imaginative, creative creatures, with the capacity to survive against the odds, and to start afresh, again and again if necessary. We can do this by building upon what we have already experienced, what we have already learned, and what we have come to understand. But we either have to really WANT it, or to desperately NEED it (put both together and we could blow the bloody door off!) otherwise we are going to need a hard – hat and a fall – out shelter.
And if we require temporary assistance to help us to see our own bigger picture, we should seek it out and accept it. That’s why there is more than one human being on planet Earth…..so that we always have access to someone who knows what we need to know, or has skills we can benefit from. One of God’s better ideas, I reckon!
Yesterday I was talking with a good friend, and I said that if you ask anyone what they want, the usual response is “I just want to be happy”. She asked me what it is I want, and I said…
Yesterday I was talking with a good friend, and I said that if you ask anyone what they want, the usual response is “I just want to be happy”. She asked me what it is I want, and I said “To be able to buy a gorgeous new motorbike for myself, a fantastic trike for Dave, to pay off every penny I owe, to repay the kindness that has been shown to me by certain others over the years, to be a great personal development coach OUT THERE, and for my words to interest, entertain, inform and assist millions of others, all over the planet.” I didn’t need to think about it…….but I DO need to take consistent, definite, specific action!
As it stands right now, I appear to be a million miles away from the achievement of my goals. But I cannot even consider growing old(er!) without having given it all my absolute best shot. It’s scary, to be honest. I am scared of NOT achieving, so disproving my own hard-worked for beliefs! I am scared OF achieving, especially the personal – development – coach – out – there thing. I have no fear of public speaking, but there are so many others, already established, who are highly polished and much loved…….does the world really need another? Well, the answer has to be yes. There has to be something that only I can deliver, in my own unique way…….maybe not a completely new, unheard of philosophy…….but an old one with a new slant! And I say I am a million miles away, but how do I really know? That break – through may now be just inches away, just beyond the wall I feel in front of me. I have no way of knowing, and so I have to keep pushing on……..hacking and digging away! It may be inches, feet or still miles away……but if I drop my dreams, and settle for what is easy, or if I give up and resign myself to living in the ‘real’ world, how will I live with myself? Not comfortably, I can tell you. I am not comfortable now, to be honest. It’s hard work. But, if I am going to live my life uncomfortably, I might as well make it count for something!
Define your dreams and don’t allow them to terrify you! And don’t have dreams that will never see the light of day ‘because, because, because’. Look at all that other human beings have already achieved, often against great odds. Everything we see and use, that is man-made, started as a thought in someone’s mind, slipped into the heart zone, turned into a dream, and was pushed, shaped and formed into a physical reality. Everything. All the stuff we celebrate, and all the stuff we take for granted. Your dreams don’t need to be huge, they don’t need to change the world in one fell swoop……..but they need to be meaningful to you, and they need to create a sense of urgency within you! They need to make sense to you.
These are the tools I am using:
My own mind. Visualisation and affirmations and chants…….with BIG energy behind them! It is my brain I am working to convince and reprogramme……..and I have to grab its attention, not bore it to death! It isn’t easy. Our mind always wants to wander back to its old familiar state, even if that state is negative and discouraging……..which is why we need to actively change it!
Technology. Badly, but I am using it…..and learning. There is no bigger way to reach other human beings, all over the planet. Social networking sites, YouTube, email shots, and of course, this website. I am way behind so many others……but maybe ahead of some, too!
Networking. Other people genuinely DO want to help us, and they can refer us to friends, share our statuses on social networking sites, and offer suggestions and ideas. All gratefully accepted!
Public demonstrations and seminars. These are not actually currently happening, and are only in the planning stages, but are a completely necessary step! I have, over the years, given literally hundreds of intuitive stage shows, and featured on radio, but I am looking at developing something different now.
And on top of all this I have to manage my everyday life, and earn a living……as does everyone else who is out there making it happen! Are YOU in, or are you out?
Recently, something hurt me so badly I lost sleep over several nights. Technically, it had nothing to do with me…..I was merely an onlooker. However, one of the perpetrators was someone who had been dear to me for many years, someone to whom I am grateful for so many things. But on this occasion, her behaviour was so…..well, wrong, so unnecessarily unkind…..it floored me. I could not reconcile the person I thought I knew with the person who was responsible for such blinkered, destructive behaviour. And it made me angry with her, and her co – conspirator, to the point I wanted to exact revenge. And now you know why I found it hard to sleep. That kind of energy is a killer. How can we sleep with such pain and rage in our heart and mind? I knew it was wrong. Regardless of the ‘crime’, this kind of mindset can never lead anywhere good.
But as the dust settled, I realised that I was grieving. It was as if the person I knew and loved had died. And I felt abandoned by her…..rejected. She had chosen to become involved with, and led by, someone whose intentions were entirely self – serving, who was lying, manipulating and continuously covering her tracks. Good, honest people who genuinely had my friend’s best interests at heart were treated with contempt and rudeness. I could hear the coffin nails being hammered in, one by one. And I could not reach her. Why? Because she was receiving something she desperately wanted, from the wrong source (in my opinion), and she was not about to cut off the supply, for anyone or anything. The pain of my perceived rejection led me to obsess over it, again and again. I went from wanting to save her before she fell (and fall she probably will, unless certain activities change), to wanting her to wake up and smell the coffee, to wanting to see her pay the price…..and then back again. I considered giving it one last go, and even practiced what I would say, carefully wording it so that she would not feel that she was being attacked. But I realised that she is an adult, free to make her own choices, and that she would not be open to hearing what I had to offer, anyway. I concluded that if she wanted my input, she would ask for it. I doubt we will ever be friends again, but who knows?
The point is, my friend is oblivious to my soul-searching, and the emotional roller coaster ride I have been on. It is my obsession, not hers. My feelings of intense rejection (“I am listening to HER now, SHE is giving me what I want emotionally, and it is her and I against you and you and you”) caused me to cause myself pain. I remembered a thousand and one good times, favours and laughter……..and the memories kept me hanging on. It would have been easier not to have them, but thank God I did. And thank God I will always have them, even though they now need to be put in a box labelled “Those were the times that were”. If I keep re – living them, I will hold on in the here and now, trapped. Everything has its day, and the present is all we can work with…..the present is where current reality always lies. I break the emotional craziness by accepting that that was then, and this is now. And releasing her, and me, to live within our own present.
Tony Robbins said that if we are going to blame another for their wrong doings, we must also blame them for everything they did that benefitted us. He spoke from experience, as he always does. I loved hearing that. It might be that the person we are blaming also did good stuff, and loved us in their own way. It might be that, because of our experience with them, we became who we are today. Their behaviour may have pushed us to grow in ways we would not have done, if they had not been a part of our life. I remembered how trapped we become when we get into the cycle of blame…….we literally cannot move on until we release the urge to blame. And so I suppose that IS the way we break the cycle…….by drawing a line between what was, and what is, in the here and now. What ‘was’ is closed and sealed. What ‘is’ is alive and kicking. What ‘will be’ is the child that will be born of what is.