Monthly Archives: September 2016

Dr Phil said “A racehorse has to run”…..something ONLY a racehorse will understand!

Someone commented to me recently that they didn’t know what motivated those who have faced great adversity to pick themselves up and keep going. They meant people who have faced MAJOR setbacks, rather than general, everyday challenges that some consider to be evidence that life has ‘got it in’ for them. This person told me that they would not have the strength to fight back and create a new life…..and I believed them. I know this person and I agree…..I don’t believe they would. And I like to think I myself would…..but hey, I can’t be sure. I know of two people who were told that unless they quit the fags and the booze they would probably die…..and they didn’t quit, and they did die. Soon. Even the threat of death wasn’t enough.

Years ago, when my children were young, I HAD to work……and thank God I did, because otherwise I would have gone crazy. I love my children……they are the most precious and wonderful things that could EVER have been gifted to me. I haven’t always been the ideal parent, haven’t always got it ‘right’……but I can tell you I am eternally and humbly grateful for them in my life. However, I have always been kind of independent minded and ambitious. Being a stay – at – home mother was not my forte. I am not even doting grandmother material. Things to accomplish, bikes to ride etc. You will NEVER hear me say “I take each day as it comes, and I just live for my kids,” It’s just not me. BUT there has always been this thing about non – working mothers versus working mothers, and I remember seeing a Dr Phil programme that covered the very subject. As I remember, there were rows of puckered – mouthed women (the stay – at – homes), opposing defensive women (the workers). Dr Phil said: “A racehorse has to run.” I have NEVER forgotten that sentence. I am a Sagittarian……half woman, half horse……I HAVE to run. But over the years, I had enough of other women’s kids in my house, feeding them and seeing to toilet breaks…….without a single enquiry from the stay – at – home mother, for hours on end……at weekends and evenings…..to work out that not ALL stay – at – home mothers are committed to the idea of child – rearing. Some just can’t be arsed to work, or to be an attentive parent. Simple and straightforward. Some definitely  WANT to dedicate their time to child – rearing, and they do a remarkable job, and I truly hold my hands up to them. But there are those who hide behind the thing that NO – ONE dares to question…….the importance and difficulty of MOTHERHOOD!

And you know what? I reckon most things, including our approach to parenthood, come down to strength of character. Not education, not social protocol, not the modern tendency towards victim – hood. Individuals, regardless of creed, colour, education or status, decide for themselves. THEY alone make decisions about who and what they are, who and what they will be, and what they will and won’t do, and what they will tolerate. And their mindset is always geared towards growth and improvement. Others will use every trick in the book to keep themselves where they believe they are entitled to be. I am not perfect, I have cocked up in ways others haven’t even imagined possible……but I AM a racehorse. And if you are also a racehorse, like me, you have to run……here, there, amok……who knows where? Thank you, Dr Phil……you explained, perfectly, our need to kick up some dust, and to occasionally poop, in a very public way!

MINDFULNESS MADE SIMPLE, FOR EVERYDAY LIVING IN THE ‘REAL’ WORLD!

Most of what I hear or read about mindfulness is enough to put me off. A friend told me recently that she had been out walking with a woman who announced “I am walking mindfully”, focusing intently as she put one foot in front of the other. My friend didn’t get it, and wasn’t about to join in. She just wanted to enjoy her walk.

I am not keen on anything that feels feigned, forced or contrived. It isn’t relaxing or pleasant! However, I am aware that it is so easy to habitually be somewhere else in our mind…….anywhere, in fact, rather than where we are at! And it is so easy to get caught up in the practice of thinking ahead, distracted by what we think we still need to do, in order for life to become the way we want it to be. I AM that person……so I know what I am talking about!

I have always been a fan of what actually works, in the ‘real’ world, for the average Joe……in other words, people like me! Over the years we have all seen fads come and go. We all know people who find themselves completely caught up in the latest spiritual/emotional ‘break – through’……..the newest, biggest and best thing for all human – kind……….until the next one comes along. But I don’t believe mindfulness falls into that category…….unless, that is, it  falls into the wrong hands first! Being mindful is much easier and way more simple than is often portrayed. And here is the way I see it (for what it’s worth!):

The purpose of becoming more mindful is to get more out of the life we are living. It whizzes by so quickly, we want to savour of much of it as we possibly can. Nothing stays the same for too long, and it is easy to dismiss great, though ordinary, moments in our life. Let’s face it, most of the life we will live, from beginning to end, IS made up of what are deemed to be ordinary moments.

The problem is, we can either take those ordinary moments completely for granted, OR we believe that they are not good enough, and that life is still somehow yet to really begin. 

If we do the first, we become inert, bogged – down, lazy – minded, uninspired, bored and stuck. We may be very busy living our routine, everyday life, but we are still doing all, or most, of the above. We look for snatches of pleasure and gratification to break up the monotony, to relieve the boredom (technology, social networking, new stuff etc)…..but we are generally dissatisfied with life. However, not quite dissatisfied enough to break through the membrane that is dimming the light that wants to shine on our life! “Happy enough, I suppose, and just taking each day as it comes”, we say. “After all, that’s just what you do, isn’t it, get on with things…..?” In this case, WAKING UP is what mindfulness is about. We don’t need to force ourselves to ‘meditate’, listening to our own breath for hours on end, letting our thoughts come and go, trying to ‘feel’ inner peace…….which is a good thing, because we probably wouldn’t be genuinely committed to the practice, anyway!

No, we just need to see things through fresh eyes. To be aware of all the stuff that is good, and funny, and beautiful, and interesting…….every single day! We can still have problems to sort out. We can still have hopes for the future that have not yet been fulfilled. But we need to become fascinated, to pick up on things…….to look around us, and SEE. Today, as I walked with the dog through the wood, and along the beach, I was absorbed by the warm wind, the green – blue waves with white, frilly edges. Buoys bobbing out at sea. The amazing cloud formations scurrying across a pale blue backdrop. The smiles of other walkers, and their happy dogs, sniffing other dogs’ bottoms and generally being excited! The snail halfway up a wall, the golden leaves dancing around in the wind, the red berries and pine cones, the scent of late summer. And yet I still had other things on my mind! I listened to my favourite songs, as I walked along, seeing, hearing, feeling and smelling……I was present, and it was natural, easy, hugely enjoyable and rewarding…….but I also had a few other things running through my mind, things that are important to me. And I was completely appreciative of the whole experience. And THAT is something else that is part of mindfulness…….genuine, honest gratitude! But in order for us to be grateful for something, it has to be of importance to us. And if we are in the habit of taking things for granted and living on auto – pilot (which often leads to flatness, hopelessness and low energy), we have a tendency to under – value an awful lot of things.

So…….if you really want to be more mindful, but are discouraged by what you believe will be required of you, here is the GOOD NEWS! Just make a conscious effort to be more involved in everyday life, and enjoy the little things with every ounce of your being! It isn’t demanding, or hard work….it is fun! And like I said, life moves on so quickly, we need to savour as much as we can, of the ordinary – but – actually – extra – ordinary stuff, whilst we have the chance.

But what about the tough times? Well, when we are facing challenges, it will serve us to continue to be aware of and value all of the good stuff, because that will prevent us from becoming overwhelmed by the not so good stuff…and that will help us to figure out the best way forward. And if you decide you want to allocate a couple of minutes, a couple of times a day, to sitting, relaxing your mind, listening to your breathing, great…..because, as the old lady said, as she wee’d in the sea: “Every little helps!”

If, however, our problem is that we feel we, and life, SHOULD be different, and are living from within an inner world of intensity, self – criticism, old anger/disappointment, defeat or bitterness……some of the emotions/beliefs that can lead to severe feelings of hopelessness and depression……do we really need more intensity? I agree that it isn’t easy to completely control our mind and the inner movies we consistently run, and the inner dialogue that we keep going…….infact it is probably impossible. And that is another reason I feel that mindfulness needs to be more about looking outwards, rather than inwards……about a change of focus, about positive distraction, about new experiences, new projects……about savouring, and re – discovering the simple wonders of the world outside of ourselves. Which in turn will nourish our inner world, over time. We can’t fight intensity with intensity. We have to change the subject in our own mind every now and then, and yes, we should BREATHE……deep and long and satisfying, but without paying too much attention to it! There is way more interesting stuff to focus on in this world than the diffusion of oxygen and carbon dioxide!

 

 

 

Disheartened? DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER! Keep pushing and don’t give up!

You know what? DON’T take NO for answer, where the world is concerned! If today you feel trapped by circumstance, or lack of opportunity (and I promise you, I am familiar with that old nutmeg!), be bloody – minded and shout “Listen world, I will NOT just give up and go away! I WILL cut through the deadwood you keep dropping in front of me, and I will NOT stop or quit. I don’t care how disinterested life seems to be in my hopes and dreams, in my needs and wants……I WILL NOT JUST PUT UP AND SHUT UP!”

If you aren’t making headway in your job, and you are beginning to feel invisible, don’t waste time and energy feeling weighed down and stuck……change something, anything, right now. Stop telling yourself that there is nothing else out there, that you don’t have any options. You are going to do what is right and best for you, and your future……you are going to turn over every stone, more than once if necessary, bang on every door with both fists….and with your shoulders back, your head up and a ‘beat – me – down – if – you – dare’ kind of smile on your face! Don’t go into a slump, and every time dejection causes you to say “Well I’ve tried, but nothing is happening”, shake yourself up and shout “NO…..I am not giving up……I HAVE got something the world needs, and by God is it going to have it!”

I promise you, I am not preaching from an ivory pulpit……I am sharing with you. I AM with you, because I know how your journey feels.

If you have hopes and dreams that seem to be impossible, whilst others appear to already be or have what you want, it can be incredibly disheartening. But at least you HAVE hopes and dreams…….a lot of human beings don’t! You have to be crazy, and you have to be stupidly optimistic, and you have to develop an unreasonable, unbreakable determination……even in the face of others’ disinterest or dismissiveness! A bit like a toddler who just won’t quit, no matter how much it hears the word “NO”! Do something, every single day, that keeps you awake and moving. Keep pushing through the gluey membrane of inertia and defeat, and let fear of being forever stuck in the old place, and in the old mindset, be your motivator. And seek out the stories of those who have done the same…..there are, thankfully, loads of them out there. 

The world is awash with stories of people who were told no, and who then, because they refused to quit, went on to become incredibly successful……and the supposedly smart ‘we know it all’ nay – sayers lost out, big style! There are thousands of business people out there who will spend the rest of their lives kicking their own butts because they weren’t as clever or as savvy as they thought they were…..and lost out on huge potential commissions! Of course, we aren’t all aiming for global super – stardom, but the principles are still the same. Today, and tomorrow, and the next day…..and for however long it takes……DON’T quit until you genuinely feel you’ve gotten to where you really want to be. Or until you grow old and die, whichever one comes first! Go out with a jubilant smile on your face, not a frown of disappointment!

 

 

YOUR INNER WORLD…….AND A MILLION GHOSTS WHO WILL TELL YOUR ULTIMATE STORY.

I felt full……infact, stuffed, like an old, over – plump mattress. I leaned on the wall, overlooking the beautiful, early evening beach – scene, and took in a huge breath, as if trying to make room inside myself……and then released it, almost forcefully, attempting to eject some of the stuff that was causing the incredibly uncomfortable, internal over – crowding.

But then I realised that I couldn’t. Everything I was aware of within me, that was stretching the sides, so to speak, was part of my inner world…..the echoes and ghosts of a million people, situations, experiences, and perceptions. Tears, laughs, words, songs, conversations……..hopes, needs, desires, fears and frustrations. And suddenly I didn’t want to get rid of any of it………it ALL mattered, in its own way.

And you know, we all have an inner world that is completely elastic. Like the universe, our inner world is expanding…….rapidly for some, slowly for others, dependent upon how they observe, think and respond……upon where their attention habitually goes. And I believe that although our outer world fades away when we die, our inner world remains intact for eternity. Nothing that resides within our inner world is ever gone. We may not consciously bring it all to mind (unless something stirs and reminds us), but once there, it never leaves. Some may say “Well, what you are referring to is your sub/un – conscious mind”, and I would say that that is the filing system of our inner world. Our inner world is real, alive and kicking, every single second of every single day we are alive on planet Earth…..and beyond.

There are old, beloved friends with whom I have parted company. There are old enemies with whom I still argue, and there are strangers with whom I shared a second or a moment in time. There are people I have never met, and will never do so…..the people who have inspired, encouraged and educated me. And there are the people whose stories scarred me. Like the young woman who has been so awfully brutalised by other human beings, she spends her time showering and cleaning her teeth, attempting to rid herself of the taste and feeling of horror and disgust. I re – visit her often, weeping with her, and holding her in my arms, wanting to soothe and heal her. I will never abandon her.

My inner world houses great joy and the celebration of victory. It houses shame and embarrassment, and regret. It is home to every day of my children’s lives, and all of the animals who honoured me with their presence. And in my inner world resides motorbike rallies and the scent of leather, hot metal and rubber, rock music and a hundred crazy conversations. And countless summer days and walks through the wood and along the beach. And every last one of my customers, their stories, their struggles, their resistances and their realisations…….still there, living alongside every other resident of my personal inner world. I may not bring each and every one to conscious mind, but I can still feel their echoes, every second of every day. 

Is it possible that if we are to validate our existence, following our physical death, it is the depth and width and content of our inner world that will be offered as evidence? I don’t know. And why does our inner world periodically threaten to break through, the echoes becoming so loud they drown out our outer world? Maybe to remind us that nothing is lost, that everything counts, and that by being brave enough to allow ourselves to embrace and absorb every experience, by not demanding perfection and smooth edges, by not deliberately and consciously shutting the world out (to protect ourselves from hurting), that we are doing the very thing we were born for. Every now and then we need our inner world to turn the volume down a touch……on the occasions it is threatening to spill out, like two fighting cowboys tumbling through saloon doors, onto the dusty street. But we never want to shut it down, or become completely closed to it. We shouldn’t be afraid of those who reside in our inner world…….good, bad and indifferent, they are all a part of our personal story. And if we didn’t have villains lurking around in there, we wouldn’t have heroes, either. One cannot exist without the other, and what would life……existence…..be, without heroes?   

 

 

BEING ANGRY, AND BAD DAYS WHEN LIFE DOESN’T FAVOUR US!

I spent almost an hour today, writing about anger, in response to questions asked on my Facebook page (Intuitive Consultations https://www.facebook.com/leannehalyburton1/)…….and the computer froze, and I lost it all. I have had a busy, pressured kind of week, and am feeling a bit dry round the edges today…..but I refused to become angry (or at least express anger!) about the loss of a piece on anger. So I turned the computer off, and took the dog out for a walk.

And whilst I was out, I received an email, on my phone, from someone who had had a consultation from me last year, instructing me to remove her from my mailing list…..she didn’t rate me, and was never going to use my services again. And she placed the word “services” in double inverted commas, to highlight her disdain. My initial reaction was to bristle, and then sigh philosophically…….of course I was going to receive that email today……it has that air about it.

But then I found myself being polite, and open to hearing what she had to say. I asked her to send me a copy of her consultation, and a run – down of what was inaccurate. And then I re – read, in my mind, as we walked the beautiful beach, all of the wonderful, complimentary emails I receive from customers, to prevent myself from going into a “Let’s face it, I must be pretty crap at this, who the hell do I think I am?” kind of slump. And I said to God, “Look, I am doing the best I can…..I think. I am out of ideas today, so bear with me. And by the way, if there are any weird little opportunities going spare, could I have one…..or two, maybe….?”

Anyway, she did respond, a little later. She said she no longer had a copy of her consultation (deleted it, I imagine, in an angry frame of mind), BUT I had not picked up on a couple of things she thought I should have done. I wasn’t wrong, or inaccurate, from what she said. The outcome I predicted came about, and that is the most important thing. She was angry about the past, and the details she felt I should have mentioned would not have altered the outcome. Anger and hurt feelings, and the sense of rejection, can really affect our sense of perspective. I said I was sorry the consultation had not worked out for her, and wished her well. But you know….I ALWAYS advise my customers to keep a copy of their consultation, no matter what they think, because time passes and memory does not always serve us as well as we imagine it does. Plus, they can safely use it against me, if needs be! 

So you see, we all face days of loneliness (when no – one seems to want us, or be interested in us or what we have to offer), we all face criticism, we all face days when life likes other people more than it likes us…….and those days suck. I can promise you I work hard. I am always listening, learning, delving into my own psyche…..and I still feel like the kid with her face pressed up against the sweet shop window, more often than I want to. And I bet you do, too. But you think the others have it sussed. Sometimes they just don’t….they are just good at bluffing. Sometimes life says “Hey you. Yes….YOU. Don’t get too cocky, there is still a mountain of stuff for you to learn”. But I reckon life is akin to the parent who well – meaningly and lovingly doesn’t want her kid to think life should fall into his lap. She loves him, but she wants him to work for his achievements, so he appreciates and values them all the more. And no matter how old we become, we are still the children of the universe. 

Ps……here is an email I received recently, that I added to my Testimonials page…..and I used it to counter – balance my negative emotions today. What could possibly top this?

Hi Leanne,  Just a quick email to firstly thank you for sending my reading on to me. Just to let you know that even though the reading only took place last Thursday, it has already changed my outlook on life. I walked into work the next morning and my colleagues commented that there seemed to be a change in me! I have my first few nights of pure sleep in ages, and I’ve even managed to talk things through with my husband. I’ll come and see you again towards the end of next year as suggested.

From the bottom of my heart….I thank you

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DON’T ALLOW LIFE TO BOX YOU OFF! YOU HAVE UNIQUENESS, AND YOU NEED SPACE!

Life has a limited selection of little boxes, and we are supposed to choose one (or take one that is foisted upon us), and fit neatly and quietly into it. Forever. Well, ONE little box is no good to me! I need several, so I can dismantle them and fit them all together……..making a lovely big box that can comfortably accommodate all I intend to express, be and achieve. It’s not too much to ask, is it?

Take my work, for example. Some people come to my website and say they are confused. What IS an intuitive consultant? They read my ‘welcome’ page and ask “Well are you a psychic or a life coach?” I have re – written that page a hundred times, trying to make it as simple and as clear as possible. And of course there are many who do understand what I am offering, and so I just have to accept that I cannot come up with something that speaks to everyone!

The thing is, I am neither. But I am both. I am not a psychic, as it is commonly understood. I am an intuitive, and I do offer predictions (Einstein’s Fabric Of Time kind of explains how it is possible to be able to predict events that have not yet been experienced!). But I am also a life guide, for want of a better title. If you do this, this is what you will experience. If you do that, that is what you will experience. If you change nothing at all, and carry on, on your current pathway, this is what you are likely to face. Not everyone wants the service I offer……they want to believe life has something great mapped out for them, and is going to deliver it any day now, regardless of what they think, and how they behave. And I have absolutely no problem with that………as long as they don’t book me, because I can’t help them with it.

So, the point is, I cannot be popped neatly into one box or another, workwise. Can you? Do you try to make your life fit into only box, by labelling yourself in some way (I am THIS kind of person, or THAT kind of person), and responding to everyone you associate with in exactly the same way? I used to work as an advertising salesperson, many years ago, and there was a comment I heard over and over again from prospects: “If I say yes to you, I will have to say yes to everyone”. Really? Why? It’s a fob – off, obviously, but not one that makes sense! Would that person approach his entire life, using the same philosophy……either having to say YES to everything, or NO to everything? As I said, it doesn’t make sense.

Take a fresh look at the box of your life. Consider the box other people think you should fit into, just because it suits them. Look at how fiercely people defend their own boxes, no matter how small or dull. Is your box big enough to section it off into a number of rooms…….and if not, can you make one that is?

Life and society like mainstream. A lot of people feel safe being carried along by the mainstream. I like unique. I like to help others to blow things open and uncover their own unique. Make a list of ALL the things you can be and do, from being a good listener to painting a masterpiece. From keeping a sparklingly clean toilet to being a great organiser. Make a list of all the things that fascinate you, from watching ants going about their busy business on the pavement, to listening to great minds communicate………it will reveal so much about all the aspects of your wonderful self! And embrace them, and try to use them as often as possible in your everyday life…..no matter who tries to shut the lid on the box they are trying to prevent you escaping from!

And by the way, it won’t always be easy. I am still hustling my ass out there, still telling my story, still expanding my horizons, still wracking my brains (left AND right!) for new ideas……don’t be afraid to do the same. Don’t allow your box to have the final word!

ARE YOU LUCKY OR UNLUCKY……AND CAN YOU CHANGE YOUR LUCK?

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A guy I used to know had a sister who always seemed to be on a lucky streak. She entered and won competition after competition. This guy had ‘issues’ where his family was concerned, and a tendency towards being closed-minded. His nickname for his sister was “The Moose”, referring to her looks, and so you can work out that there was no love lost there!

I suggested that she had developed the mentality of a winner…….she now expected to win, and so she did! He immediately dismissed the idea as rubbish, preferring to believe that for some reason life had chosen to favour her, and not him.

This guy, though with the capacity to be very funny, and kind in his own way, was consistently cynical and mean-spirited. He talked with bitterness about his family, and an ex, who he always referred to as “The Drunk” (I never did discover her actual name). And he blamed HER family, for not telling him that she had had a problem with alcohol in the past, long before she met him. He honestly believed they should have warned him off, from the get – go!

Now, this guy started seeing a friend of mine, and after some time they moved in together. But sadly they had an accident in which they both sustained non – life threatening, but painful injuries. Unable to cope, emotionally, he disappeared into his own head, shut down and gave up. The relationship began to crumble, not because of the injuries, but probably because of the tension and strain, and his withdrawal. One day, she came home from work, earlier than expected, to find him packing to leave. He had intended to move out, without telling her.

A whole number of other things followed, and the last I heard, the company he worked for had run into a major set – back, and staff had to be laid off, hopefully temporarily.

The question is, is this guy just unlucky? Has he been selected by life for misfortune, and forced association with bad, wrong and stupid people? I am sure he believes that that is true.

I have been working on my own mentality, beliefs, and attitudes, for years! I believe, 100%, that the way in which we process and experience our life is almost completely dependent upon the state of our inner world. Realistically speaking, there are always going to be things that get in our way……things we have not directly created, and have no control over. But even then, we get to decide how we are going to respond to those things, tough as they may be. And I am convinced that there is a ‘winning’ mindset, and a ‘losing’ mindset. I have been prey to both, throughout my life! The more we win or are lucky, the luckier we feel, and our mindset becomes programmed accordingly. The more we lose and the unluckier we become, our mindset becomes attuned to expect more of the same. We can break the cycle, either way, at any point, but to develop a winning mindset requires conscious awareness, and genuine commitment to actual, consistent and appropriate action.

You see, we can fall into the trap of visualising, affirming, talking the talk, and preaching it to others…..whilst still being stuck in the losing mindset, deep down inside. And it is THAT that holds us back. I myself HAVE made major improvements in my life (over years!), however, I am still working on one or two areas…..and I realised recently that as I was talking to my subconscious mind, focusing on what I am still attempting to create/achieve, I didn’t sound convincing, even to myself. I thought “You don’t even believe that that can come about……DO YOU?” And it jolted me.

I thought about all of the people I have come across who have been trying to ‘manifest’ for years, but who remain stuck and frustrated. “I have been TRYING!” they cry. “This stuff doesn’t work!” I thought about all of those who talk the talk but who are clearly not feeling it, within their inner world. And I understand how hard it is, to really, truly, honestly believe, at our deepest core. Some people are naturals. They haven’t developed enough irrational fears and beliefs, or the capacity to tear themselves down at the drop of a hat, to consistently sabotage their own progression! Others have to work harder for it, but it becomes easier when we really HEAR ourselves, as we communicate with our inner world. Because then we can set about making the necessary adjustments. And the more positive results we gain, the easier we find it to maintain and even increase the momentum. We have to be on constant guard duty, too, because we could suddenly lose our footing, and dent our winning mindset……and find ourselves sliding backwards into “See……I knew it wouldn’t last!”

I DO believe……no, I KNOW…..that we are strongly influenced by the results we achieve, as we manoeuvre our way through life. The guy I talked about is completely unconscious, and disconnected from his own inner world. And he prefers it that way, which is fine. His life appears to be functional, but joyless……and who the hell would willingly choose that? Well, some people. But not THIS person. Now……time to turn those pathetic, half – hearted monologues with my subconscious mind into full-blown, energised communications!

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