Monthly Archives: December 2016

A bad attitude threatens to ruin a woman’s business…..not to mention her life!

 

CASE HISTORY

As soon as I ‘tuned in’ to her, I intuitively understood that she really, really needed to work on her inner world….and it soon became clear that I was absolutely right.

When I say inner world, I am not talking about airy – fairy stuff. I am talking about actual beliefs, attitude and approach. Make no bones about it……..our inner world reality always feeds into, and impacts hugely upon, our outer world experience. And anyone who doesn’t understand that, or dismisses it as rubbish, is no way near as smart as he or she believes themselves to be. I liken it to the Titanic: it wasn’t the bit that could be seen above the water that was the problem……it was the bigger bit that was unseen, below the surface, that caused the mayhem. 

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She didn’t have one ounce of gratitude in her heart or mind, even to the relative who had taken her in, to save her from having to sleep in her car. She admitted that she didn’t trust anyone, and that others had to prove themselves to her, before she would consider trusting them. She had built a business, and was trying to attract outside investment…..whilst still maintaining that she couldn’t trust others, and that there was nothing good in her life. I asked her if having loved ones,  a warm bed, food, a business, access to technology, education, transport and medical care, was ‘good’. She wasn’t feeling it. Intuitively, I could see that she had great potential…..and that the £22 pounds she had spent with me could potentially be worth hundreds, thousands even, to her, if only she would listen, and change her attitude and approach. I warned her that if she continued on her current pathway, there would be gaps and holes in her business, and that she would repel initially interested parties. I advised her to begin healing her mindset, and gave some suggestions, and offered predictions as I always do: if you do this, THAT will unfold, but if you do that, THIS will unfold. I advised her to go over her business with a fine tooth – comb, again and again, and that she would spot the weaknesses and flaws. I talked about the people she needed to be consciously aware of, and the person who would, under the right circumstances (created and attracted by her own healed mindset), enter into her business and invest time, energy and money. 

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However, she was intent on bringing everything back to the negative, and after 75 minutes, I told her I was ending the call. I sent her an audio copy of the consultation, and left it in her hands. She’d had a consultation with me some time ago, which proved to be accurate, hence the booking, but there is only so much I can do. There is only one reason to have an intuitive consultation, and that is to gain insight and information. There is no other reason that makes any sense. Everyone faces tough times and challenges. Everyone, including me. But without an attitude of gratitude, we are are doomed to a life of resentment, bitterness and self – pity.  I will probably never hear from her again, unless she has an epiphany and recognises that she has the power of choice……and uses it positively. To be honest, unless she does, I don’t want to hear from her again. That was a hard – earned £22. I don’t expect easy business, but sometimes it goes way too far the other way, and goes beyond the boundaries of an intuitive consultation.

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So, think about the power of an attitude of gratitude. I asked a smart young lady this evening what had touched her heart and soul today…….and she said “nothing”. And yet she had just told me, very articulately, how negative all the people she associates with are, and how fed up she is. Yet she herself couldn’t come up with one thing that had made her smile, or feel good in any way. There WERE good things……she just hadn’t registered them! Her first cup of tea of the day, a polite ‘thank you’, a child’s smile, a funny conversation, Christmas tree lights, a warm car and a good song on the radio…….at least one of these would have been a part of her day, along with many others. If we can’t be grateful for the small things, we aren’t ever going to value the big stuff. If we can’t offer trust, we can’t expect others to warm to us. If we bite the hand that feeds us, eventually we’ll go hungry. There isn’t an intuitive consultation on the planet that can even begin to help us with that. Okay, there ARE those ‘readings’ that merely feed back to the customer the stuff they really want to hear, that validate their unproductive attitude and behaviour, but no professional intuitive consultant, with a decent reputation and a proven track record, would offer such a service. In the long run, it will come back to bite you. 

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Here’s to a celebration of life, warts and all. Here’s to the value and power of an intuitive consultation, guiding us toward our best and most productive pathway, and our own greater potential. Here’s to the small things that lift our spirit, and connect us to other human beings. Here’s to growth through challenge, and subsequent victories. Here’s to Christmas tree lights and a bloody good cup of tea. Here’s to you, and to me! 

 

 

 

Pissing into the wind…….and hoping it doesn’t suddenly change direction.

You know, life is HARD. Life is also wonderful, miraculous and beautiful. But it is still hard. If we are ever going to try anything new, push ourselves beyond our boundaries, achieve even a few of our goals, it is HARD. And if we can’t hack hard, we need to get off the pot, and make do.

My life is wonderful, and I am genuinely grateful for it. But it is hard. I struggle. I face rejection. I take s**t off a percentage of customers. I would, ideally, run with the wind, ride motorbikes, wear leather and Opium perfume, write, read, walk in nature, drink wine and vodka, and listen to music…..for eternity.  And sod the rest. But hey, we have to do our bit, join in, contribute, and create. And remember that no matter how tough our own life seems to be, someone else has it tougher. And someone else doesn’t understand our own point of view. Or even really care. We can only do our best, and answer for ourselves. 

I write these blogs and a tiny, tiny wee handful of people read them. Not even a millionth of the planet’s population. But I keep writing them. No – one may ever read this……it may float around in cyber – space for ever and ever. I write because I feel compelled to write. Thank you God, for giving me the capacity to enjoy words. 

Everyone has a story, a history, a set of reasons for this and that…..EVERYONE. I promise you. 

I spend much of  my life pissing into the wind, at the risk of it suddenly changing direction, and blowing back into my face! But hey, it’s supposed to be good for the complexion. The point is, life is a challenge, and if we are alive, and growing, and aspiring, and becoming more of who we can potentially be, we have to keep going…..even if no – one is interested enough to listen, or even care. SOMETHING out there cares……..I know, I can feel its presence, through the huge discomfort that comes from being alive on planet Earth and still believing, even when the evidence screams that we shouldn’t………..it hasn’t failed me yet, but neither has it made it easy. And quite rightly so. #pissingintothewind. 

REAL men and REAL women…..WHO ARE the people putting this destructive s**t on social media sites?

Take a look at the following memes found on social networking sites (these are just a selection, there are thousands more out there!), and ask the question: What is wrong with this stuff, and how unhealthy is it? It doesn’t take much to work out what is acceptable behaviour, be it from a man or a woman……this stuff just isn’t right!

REAL MEN……

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REAL WOMEN……

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I kind of prefer these…..they make me smile!

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And the last word……images-43

Online dating – don’t let the game players hijack your time, energy and heart!

Online dating may work out well for some, but for so many others it eats into their time, emotional energy and self – confidence.  I am no man – basher, but it appears that too many men are treating online dating sites like supermarkets. They are popping things (women or other men) into their trolley, whilst continuing to browse and keeping their options open. Because they haven’t yet committed to actually purchasing the items in the trolley, they feel free to put them back on the shelf and choose something else, as the mood takes them. Which it often does. I am sure that there are women who behave in the same way, but it does seem to be more of a masculine habit.

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And there are too many looking for friendship, rather than love. They start off well, chatting, sharing their history, discovering mutual interests……..but it never really develops much further. And they collect a whole load of ‘friends’, whilst making no real effort to develop one particular friendship into something more emotionally intimate. But the friend – gatherer is rarely honest, and implies that a relationship COULD develop, whilst continuing to communicate with a number of other interested parties, and so a hopeful innocent is caught on the hook. We could say “More fool them…..” but it isn’t always that simple. 

Online dating sites are a bit like X Factor. People have become programmed. “How ELSE am I going to be able to meet a partner? I never go anywhere.” is the same as “THIS is my ONLY chance for success……if I don’t win I will be devastated!” Neither statement is helpful, and both are incredibly self – limiting.

There were no dating sites when I was younger, only a small number of dating agencies, which were run from offices. There were reams of forms to be filled in, video recordings to make……and vetting. Well, that’s how I understand it, anyway.

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And then life moved on, and adverts for telephone lines appeared in newspapers. You would call the number, listen to a selection of recorded messages from lonely hopefuls, choose the one you liked the sound of, and leave your message and number……and wait with, baited breath, for them to call you. The ‘new’ way to meet the love of your life. And I did use this service. And I did not find the love of my life. I found a chubby policeman who helped me move from one flat to another, and guzzled copious amounts of pizza at a rapid rate of knots. I met a weird guy I quickly found an excuse to escape from, who followed me to a club and hurled abuse at me (in fairness I could understand his hurt feelings). I can’t remember who else I met, but suffice to say it didn’t open up a whole world of romance and passion.

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Online dating provides those who are lazy, those who have commitment issues, those who are pretending to be what they would love to be but aren’t, and those who feel empowered when they have a string of interested parties unknowingly on the hook, with a place to hide. Like the Wizard of Oz……a weak, frightened little person hiding in a tower, using a megaphone to make himself sound bigger and better than he is. And open – hearted, genuine seekers of love, who are not natural game players, can be easily fooled…..BECAUSE they aren’t game players. Okay, some game players are obvious, and some ‘victims’ are seemingly blind and silly……but the seasoned game player can be incredibly hard to spot, at least until a good deal of time and energy has been wasted. 

The world of online dating has, for some unfortunates, become an almost permanent place of residence. They are spending hour after hour trawling the depths, and chatting to people they are never going to meet, and becoming caught up in a fantasy of idealistic love…….and that in itself is hugely seductive. Women have told me that a guy they have been chatting to but have never met, or associated with in real, everyday life, is their soulmate. Maybe they don’t even really want it to develop any further, deep down inside…..maybe  a real relationship with all of the normal, usual, highs and lows, the love AND the blood, sweat and tears, is too big to actually enter into. Maybe they feel safer where they are. People say that we should never meet our heroes……and maybe we can add that we should never come face to face with our fantasy.

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But for those who just want to meet someone sane and relatively emotionally healthy, who aren’t into game playing and time wasting, the world of online dating can be confusing and frustrating. I have come to understand that men communicate their truth through their actions and not their words, and this is incredibly important to remember, as a woman using online dating sites. He may be an amazing listener, he may promise the world, and speak with love and adoration…….but where IS he, in normal, everyday life? How much effort is he making to develop the relationship on a one to one basis? If he is so far away that it would cost hundreds to meet up, and if both parties don’t have that kind of cash to throw around, the relationship is unlikely to develop into an actual, grown – up commitment. If it is the woman who is making all the plans, finding the means to travel to him, and is doing most of the actual, physical and practical running (not the talking and promise – making), a warning bell should be ringing, loud and long. Feeling desired, appreciated, and validated, is a powerful aphrodisiac, and once we have had a taste, it can be hard to let go of……even when the evidence screams that we should.

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Online dating sites HAVE worked well for some people, and so they do have their place in the modern world. But they should be used with caution, and as a potentially useful tool, and not as a replacement for real life, and those who use them need to be able to read between the lines, and separate idealistic b******t from genuine connection. And if we feel we have been developing a meaningful line of communication with a potential love interest, but find they are still active on the dating sites, we need to prevent ourselves from becoming hooked up with what is probably nothing more than a cowardly, game playing friend – gatherer!#datingsitegameplayers. 

 

 

 

 

 

RUN WITH ME, FALL DOWN WITH ME, SUCCEED WITH ME……but don’t come with half a heart!

KEEP ON believing. Keep on having faith. Keep on going back to the drawing board, as often as is required. Be willing to re – invent the wheel of your life, again and again. Strip yourself down to the bare bones, pick out the unhelpful stuff, and put yourself back together again. Keep on keeping on.

THESE ARE NOT JUST IDLE WORDS, OR SELF – HELP PLATITUDES. They are the tried and tested foundation of all growth, and all success. 

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But do NOT become hooked on the struggle, the martyrdom of it all. Do NOT become a life – long seeker who uses the self – help industry as a form of procrastination. Take action, every single day, and if that action isn’t working, change it.

DON’T be afraid of slipping backwards, and remember that ‘trying’ means trying until you get to where you want to be, or you grow old and die……whichever comes first. And when you do reach the place you said you wanted to be at, look for the next place.

If parts of your life aren’t working too well, face up to it, and figure out why. Don’t hide behind defensiveness. Defensiveness and stone – walling are two of the most destructive modes of behaviour that exist. Don’t be too proud to admit that you need to change aspects of your own thinking. Be grown up,  and be willing to look at the bottom line……there is only one way from that point, and that is UP.

Don’t be muddled or vague. Talk clearly and honestly to yourself. Saying “I just want to be happy, safe, content, secure, successful” is NOT going to get you anywhere worth going, anytime soon. Don’t believe that superficial affirmations, no matter HOW often repeated, are creative. Get real, get deep down inside of yourself and MEAN what you are saying. And if you can’t mean it, WORK on meaning it.

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Stop telling yourself you are at a crossroads, stop using excuses, stop following affirmations up with negative and contradictory thoughts and feelings. BUT remember, before you can stop doing that stuff, you have to be aware that you are doing it……you have to be committed to being aware. And DON’T say “I don’t have time”, the number one excuse used to explain away anything and everything we don’t want to tackle. Statistics tell us that the average person has between 35 and 48 thoughts per minute……are we taking time out for each and every one of those thoughts? NO! We are still going about our business. So, keep thinking and doing, but change the nature of your thoughts, consciously and deliberately, day in and day out. Year in and year out. Until your last breath. Yes, REALLY. 

If you are reading this you are already open to the desire to push yourself further, to prove to yourself what you can do. People who just want to scrape by, or who don’t accept personal responsibility for how their life unfolds, are looking elsewhere. If only one other human being is positively influenced by this blog, receives a much needed second wind and gets back into their adventure, then it will have been worth the time and energy invested in the writing of it. If no – one reads it, or feels inspired in any way, at the very least I have reminded and inspired myself!

I have been an as***le. I have fallen down. I have failed. I have made unwise decisions. I was at where I was at, and I am now at where I am at. I am 59 years old today, and I STILL believe that I can get from here to THERE. I KNOW what THERE looks and feels like……I have been working on it for years, working on my own unhelpful beliefs and attitudes, training myself to BELIEVE and not just talk as if I believe. And it has been hard. I am still a work in progress. I have had to learn to be genuinely grateful for everything that my life is about RIGHT NOW, but without settling for less than I know that I want to be and do and experience. And I know that it has to come from within me, and I know that tiredness, slow business weeks, negative feedback, life’s curve – balls, the disinterest or dismissiveness of other people cannot be allowed to cause me to throw in the towel…….even though I have been tempted to do so, on a number of occasions. I only have myself to answer to, when all is said and done.

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We cannot know the light until we can see the dark. We cannot appreciate if we don’t know what lack feels like. We cannot savour success without having tasted the sharpness of failure. We cannot enjoy the big things in life if the small things are insignificant to us.

BUT we also cannot dismiss the big things in life, making them less worthy than the small things. We cannot claim that being content with only what we need makes us better than those who strive to create more and more, and who desire to experience all that other human beings have created. We cannot allow fear and apathy to lead us to believe we are morally superior to the ambitious. Our goals are own own. Be they a desire to create a wonderful, warm family unit or a billion pound empire. As long as the fire is alight within us, we have to keep fanning those flames. And we need to recognise the difference between a vague interest and a desire that never goes away, never shuts up. The first is just day – dreaming…….the second is potentially life – changing! Run with me, fall down with me, get back up with me, strive and achieve with me……and celebrate with me! #succeed.