The first self – help book I read was written by the larger than life, force – to – be – reckoned – with Les Brown, now in his 70’s……and still talking and teaching. That must have been at least 30 years ago. My daughters have since discovered him, without any prompting from me……and they both tune in to him regularly, whilst going about their business, and they both quote him. Two chips off the old block!
I have walked for miles with Tony Robbins ringing in my ears, on my old cd Walkman, nestled in a shoulder bag. I have scoured his books, and written quotes in diaries, and re – read them again and again. My daughters have also discovered him, but I can take credit for that……they grew up seeing his cd’s and books lying around, often enough to register with them!
I have benefited from the life stories and words of wisdom of Jim Rohn and Lisa Nichols, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, Steve Jobs, Oprah…..the list of mentors is long, and each one has contributed to my thinking and my life. However, I have had to do way more than listen and nod in agreement. And often I have had to listen to the same stuff again and again, before finally absorbing it. And indeed, some of it I am STILL in the process of absorbing.
I am not suggesting that we should unquestioningly accept and absorb every word uttered by the self – help ‘gurus’. They aren’t saints, and they have their own problems. I don’t agree with all that I hear, but most of it makes sense, and most of it works…..IF acted upon. Research indicates that less than 10% of those who begin self – help programmes complete them, or act upon them, which is probably why the industry is worth billions……people coming back for more of what they are willing to pay for but not act upon. And no – one can blame the motivators for that.
The world of self – help has caused me to become consciously aware, to question myself, and to strive. Without those mentors I might become unconscious, taking each day as it comes, accepting my lot, and putting all of my energy into surviving, rather than growing. It has encouraged me to keep believing, even when the evidence suggests I shouldn’t. It has made me understand that I need to accept responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and actions, even in the face of challenge and hardship. It has allowed me to think bigger, and to aim for more, even when I am skint and nothing is coming back, apart from the echo of my own voice.
Some people with life issues and general dissatisfaction have told me they don’t have time to involve themselves in the world of self – help….they are too busy. And what they are saying is “MY life is busier than yours…..I have to live in the REAL world.” Well, many times, their life is not busier than mine, but our priorities are different. My own real world includes the NEED for information and insight, for the wisdom of mentors, for the stories of those who have faced great adversity but chosen to leave bitterness behind, in favour of a better future. Life is like a baton race……we run and run, and we hand the baton over to the next person. We need to be grateful when we get to take the baton from someone smart and informed, and we need to make sure that the baton we hand over represents something worthwhile. No man is an island……and there is always someone who is willing to share an insight that we ourselves really need to hear and absorb, and that we ourselves can share.
You know, prediction IS part of the self – help arena, and can serve a very valid purpose. It can inform, guide and warn us, enabling us to be prepared for some of what lies ahead, helping us to make choices that work better for us. However, it isn’t always used that way. It is generally appreciated in hindsight, reducing it to a form of entertainment. My work is not actually as much about prediction as it is about change. And so my real ‘power’, the way in which I can be most effective on behalf of the customer, lies in my ability to open things up so that they can be seen. So that they can be inspected……so that they become a set of insights to be acted upon. We can actively alter the course of our potential destiny NOW, rather than passively waiting to see what shows up.
And you know, many of the most successful people STILL listen to their mentors regularly, because they know how important it is to monitor what kind of information they are absorbing, and because they know how easy it is to fall by the wayside. They make time, because their time on Earth is precious. And so is yours. Seek, and ye shall find. Start by heading to Youtube….you will find a whole universe of wonderful information, wisdom and insights……and all for free!#self-help.
How many of us treat ourselves so poorly, we end up fading away, becoming a colourless version of the soul we intended to be? The answer has to be millions…..billions, even.
You have been involved in a relationship that has sucked every ounce of hope from you. You have been surviving, hoping for a miracle, whilst gradually retreating behind an invisible but incredibly dense wall.
You have been gradually crushed by a job that offers no incentive, and demands far more than it will ever give.
You are sinking slowly into a swamp of busy mediocrity, surrounded by others who are also going down, holding onto you and making it feel impossible for you to pull yourself out.
Your light has been fading for so long you barely even have a shadow. People tell you that this is life, this is the ‘real’ world, and that you shouldn’t risk losing your security. You become so afraid of making the wrong decision, you find yourself hanging onto things as they are, closing your ears to your inner voice, walking into a future that is merely a disheartening extension of the past/present.
For too many people, this becomes the story of their entire life. It is almost impossible to persuade them that it doesn’t have to be this way, and they do their best to impose their well – meaning but incredibly misguided beliefs onto others. There is safety in numbers, so they say.
So how do you break free, and find your true colour again? How do you find clean, fresh air to fill your lungs, and feet that pick up the pace and run, towards a future that causes your spirit to lift, to hope, to believe…..to smile?
You begin where you are. You lift your head up, you breathe deeply, and you re – acquaint yourself with a world that has faded into the background. You recognise that your attention has been fixed on the same old stuff for way too long. You seek out proof that there IS another way of feeling and being. You open your mind and heart to new information, to those who are a mile ahead of you, on the road to self – healing and happiness……because they KNOW, and they can help you. You will find them. Here, for example. On the internet, in books…..dotted amongst the human race. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears……and if you are REALLY ready, you won’t just read this and then slip back into oblivion. You will say to the great force of life “I AM ready…….please show me what I need to see and hear.” And you make time in your day to unearth sources of inspiration and motivation.
You listen to yourself talk, in your head, and you change the dialogue. Instead of analysing the same old problems, the same old hurts and disappointments, you place your attention on yourself, your surroundings, and you look for something good. It might be your shoes, a piece of jewellery, a picture, a plant, a colour……something that, for that second in time, distracts you from painful meandering, and fills your mind with something pleasant. This won’t make your problems disappear, of course, but it will, if you do it often enough, train you to gain more conscious control of your thoughts…….and as thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to actions, you can see how important this is.
You don’t attempt to solve all your problems at once……..you are beginning a new process, and you want to make the changes stick. Flash in the pan changes that last for about a week or a month are no good to you. You may not be able to make a dysfunctional relationship work, but you will probably need time to reach a point at which you can take the next, necessary step. You MAY be able to find ways of making a dysfunctional relationship genuinely better, but you won’t know for sure, FOR NOW. So, unless you are in a dangerous situation (in which case you WILL need to take steps NOW), you don’t need to do anything immediately. You are starting with you, and the rest can follow.
You may not be ready to leave an unfulfilling job right now, but you can start the leaving process in your mind. Entering into a new work position, blistering with resentment and frustration, will not be helpful. You will be dragging old feelings with you, and it is the old feelings you are in the process of changing. That doesn’t mean you become falsely positive, or just accept things, but it does mean you let go of the destructive inner dialogue (and outer dialogue, if you are getting caught up in bitching and moaning with your colleagues). You do this for your own sake. It is a job. It is a stepping stone in your life. Other stepping-stones will make themselves known, when you are genuinely ready. You can utter ‘yes buts’ until the end of time, and list all the reasons for your unhappiness, but that would mean you are not ready, and are not consciously directing your thoughts!
You don’t go through your day on autopilot, here in body but not in spirit…….lost in thought whilst life goes on around you. You look for the little stories in life, and re – tell them to others. I once saw a single toilet roll sitting at the edge of the road. I said to myself “I know they’ve been closing the public toilets, but is THIS the alternative?”, and made myself smile. And recently I heard, on the car radio, about a woman called Maria, who had been the director of a number of art galleries, and who had left to take up what was described as THE top job in the art world. Her praises were being sung, and I wondered who she was, and how she got to be where she is. I imagined her in a beautifully decorated apartment in a stately European city, eating nibbles and sipping on white wine, flicking through catalogues and discussing art. I wanted to be there; the scene I had imagined was warm, comfortable, softly lit and fascinating……and all of my own creation! But I really enjoyed getting to know Maria, and her cultured, creative, luxurious life!
You change your routine, you make an effort to have different conversations with different people, and watch different things on television. You decide to do something you REALLY want and need to accomplish. Clean the house, and chuck stuff out. I love burning things I don’t want, and are no use to anyone else….it is incredibly therapeutic! You start to walk briskly, several times a week. You re – organise your daily diet. You go swimming. You take care of yourself as you would someone you really love.
You face the facts of your current reality, but through different eyes. If you are going to leave, you need to begin the healing process NOW, so that the leaving is not excessively messy and destructive. If you are going to stay, for the right reasons, you need to begin the healing process NOW, so that you CAN stay…..for the right reasons. If you aren’t sure right now, that’s okay……begin the healing process NOW, and it will help you to decide. And if it is the past that has caused you to lose yourself, all of the above will still apply. If you are re – living stuff that has already happened, over and again, your brain thinks you are experiencing it in the here and now, and responds by releasing fight – 0r – flight hormones into your body. Your body responds to those hormones, communicating back to your brain…..and a cycle is set in motion. Those hormones are going to cause you to feel lousy over time, and the only way to break the cycle is to change the story your brain thinks is real, replacing it with a healthier, happier one!
You know all about ‘thinking positively’, and you’ve read all there is about the law of attraction. But there are days you feel as if it is all just idealistic tosh, and could cheerfully slap the face of anyone who smugly tells you otherwise.
Your relationship has turned into a battlefield, or broken down completely. Your job is just 8 hours a day of boredom and conflict. Your home needs an overhaul. Creditors are calling you ten times a day. You look in the mirror and see a face and body you’d trade in at the drop of a hat. You are tired of existing, and sick of other people’s judgement and criticism. And then someone, whose life bears no resemblance whatsoever to your own, swans in and tells you that it’s all your own fault……you are attracting all of this stuff, and all you need to do is change your mindset. And this causes you to feel worse, not better, because at this moment changing your mindset feels about as easy as jumping to the moon and back.
But you know, they are right. However, they would be wrong about it being all your own fault. Circumstances sometimes occur without our input. We can make decisions, innocently, only to find they come back to bite us further down the line, because there was stuff we didn’t recognise or understand when we made those decisions. No – one deliberately and consciously chooses struggle and hardship. We can become programmed to see the unacceptable as acceptable. We can become so entangled in the here and now we cannot see any other possible future, no matter how we try. But try we must, and that trying starts with one thought, and one step. I promise you, there have been times in my own life I believed I would never escape. I couldn’t see how. Dysfunction, debt, a miserable marriage, no money, nowhere else to go. But I did move on, and I am still in motion.
So how did I do it? To be honest, I don’t know. I think the fact that no matter how bad things got, how despondent and overwhelmed I felt, I still somehow, somewhere within me, believed. At a particularly low point a friend said to me “I don’t know what to say to you…..I have never known anyone have such bad luck” and I thought “BAD LUCK? No WAY, that can’t be true! Why would I be singled out for bad luck? That doesn’t make any sense….” And I realised I needed to get my head above the parapet, to stare into the long, pitch dark tunnel that lay directly in front of me, find that pin – prick of light at the end of it, and never shift my attention away from it. My ex husband told me I lived in la – la land, whilst he lived in the real world. But to me la – la land was MY real world, and the ‘reality’ he spoke of was HIS real world. I wasn’t about to relocate, and I am so glad I didn’t. I got mad, instead!
Not the kind of mad that gets you arrested, but the kind that makes you yell NOOOOO, at the top of your lungs! “NO life, I am not letting THIS be IT! I swear I am NOT going to wake up feeling this way for very much longer. I am NOT going down without a fight. YES, I KNOW I am the one who thinks my thoughts, who forms my beliefs, who shapes my perceptions, who responds, chooses and acts. I KNOW what THEY did to me, in the past, but THEY only have power over me because I handed it over to them……and I am wrestling that power back, and will fight them to the death for it!“
I knew enough to know that life WAS matching me, step by step. I couldn’t blame myself for every decision I had ever made, because those decisions had been influenced by what I knew and understood at the time. But life can be a bitch….she holds us to decisions we have made, not letting us off the hook until we either give up and just accept our miserable lot, or we commit to new decisions, based on what we know NOW. There is no sin in this, no blame. But if we recognise we are not feeling the way we want to, not living up to our own values and standards, and STILL stay put, no – one can, or will, help us. For every forward step we make, we change something, we alter the nature and quality of the energetic field from which we operate, and life matches THAT. It may take some time before we have built up enough of a change for the difference to become tangible……but sooner or later it WILL. We may stumble, but we don’t have to lose too much ground. And THAT is how it all works. Simple, but not easy, though easier when we start to experience the effects of the change we have been instigating.
YOUR circumstances may be worse or better than another’s. You may well not be able to transform your life overnight, but you CAN begin to make changes, and it is better and more empowering for you if you begin with yourself, and how you allow yourself to respond to life. And do find time to quietly rest your attention and mind on the energy of the law of attraction, the quantum field of possibilities (to quote Dr Joe Dispenza). Form a relationship with it, and show it you ARE investing in your own, refreshed, more satisfying future. It WILL listen and respond. And I am saying that not as a spiritual platitude, but as something I have experienced as the truth……a truth that can also be yours, if you really believe it, and are determined to prove that belief right.
I am not into girl – power or sisterhood. I do not see myself as a goddess, and I have never described my daughters as princesses. I have to have something more in common with another woman, other than the fact that we both have a vagina, in order to have any desire to join forces with her. HOWEVER, I DO believe that women have a genuine capacity to achieve so much, given our wiring……and without the assistance of a high – heeled, pseudo – macho attitude, or excessive self – sacrifice. Who can forget Helen Hunt, in What Women Want…….I fell in love with her character, and was completely on her side, every inch of the way!
What actually helps us is that we still have so much to prove…….a fact that can be the very wind that gets behind us and pushes us on! And our background matters less than our attitude, and our attitude is everything! I know of an organisation in which the largely female workforce consistently sit around gossiping, failing to apply themselves to their work, bitching about whoever isn’t in the room or on shift, and reporting their colleagues to the management. These would never be my ‘sisters’, even though we are of the same gender. The attitude is shabby, and the bar is set so incredibly low that even a snake would struggle to slither under it! Ladies…..it is time to rebel against such mediocrity!
Women are wired to do several things at once……men aren’t! That doesn’t make us smarter, but it gives us an advantage, IF we see it that way! Yes, it is true that we often end up taking on other people’s duties, but look how much we can grow, as a result! I am not talking about being down – trodden and put upon. That is not definitely not a good place to be in, for anyone of either gender. And I am not suggesting we should run ourselves into the ground. What I am saying is that we can be great role models to our children and to other women, by walking the walk, and going the extra distance. WHO wants to be wasting precious energy and time constantly living within our own familiarity zone, when there are so many things we really want to become and do and make happen? WHO has the time or the will to sit around gossiping and bitching and complaining? Not you or I!
It is true that at different stages in our life, we face different challenges and pressures. The circumstances of a mother with young children is different to those of a middle-aged women whose kids have grown up. But that doesn’t mean both women can’t grow and achieve, in their own way! There is no lower limit, and no cut off point. And money is not the big decider it is often deemed to be, either. The most valuable currency is enthusiasm, mixed with curiosity, warmth of heart, humour, imagination and determination. Oh, and a pen, and paper to write upon, THE list of intended achievements, some of which are small and easy to make happen, and some of which are huge and are going to take time and effort.
So, wherever you are at in life, remember that it can only ever be a temporary phase, and that tomorrow is always built upon today. Everything productive you do counts. You are influencing those around you through your attitude and actions far more than you may realise, and you WILL see results, woven into the fabric of life, as time passes by. You, as a woman, are a potential power – house who does what she does for results, and for the greater good of yourself and those around you, and not for approval or acknowledgement. Make that list today, and include your biggest and best dreams. Date it, make a copy, and give it to a trusted friend. Keep your own list with you, re – reading it again and again, and check in with the friend at certain intervals, so she knows you are still on the case, and discuss your progression!
My own list is pretty chunky, and I have set some big career and financial goals. I have no idea exactly HOW I am going to achieve them, but I work daily, not just for an income, but also to market myself, and to expand my reach, my horizons. And I am still working on developing myself, still learning, and then sharing that learning, as others have shared with me. And I found this great quote from the wonderful, inspirational Coco Chanel……and she should know, she was both!
What if you could change your energetic field, the invisible but incredibly powerful ‘outer’ aspect of you? What if by altering the quality of your energetic field, you find you create positive changes in your life? Wouldn’t that be worthwhile?
The energetic field is something we create, and re – create, every second of our life. It is made up of our personal mental and emotional emissions. Most of us develop and live out a routine, a set of habits, that come to form our own version of reality. We think the same things, in the same way, we have the same kind of conversations, and experience the same emotions. We look backwards at the same memories, and forward to more of what has become familiar to us. Some of us even regularly say “Well, I just take each day as it comes…..it’s just what you do, isn’t it?”
Our energetic field goes out before us, and interacts with, or reacts against, those of other people. Scientifically we know that when two particles come together and then part, they take something from one another, obviously also leaving something of themselves behind. Unknowingly and unconsciously we are consistently transmitting the contents of our energetic field ‘out there’, attracting and repelling. If what we are consistently attracting into our life is less than ideal, we get to choose: we can just accept it as our lot in life, or we can explore the possibility of change, through altering the nature and quality of our personal energetic field. It DOES work……..millions of people have already proved that to themselves. However, we have to be willing to take a good, hard look at ourselves, in order to recognise what needs to be worked on. And we have to explore the techniques that can help us to make the changes we desire. And we have to be willing to enter into the process, in a committed and consistent way.
I will describe the techniques I use, though of course there may be others that work better for you:
Interrupting my inner dialogue whenever necessary. It doesn’t matter what I am doing; if my inner conversation is causing me to feel anxious, negative, resentful, fearful, miserable or helpless, AND the subject in question is one I can’t do anything about, I consciously switch my thinking to something more productive and uplifting. Some days I have to do this a hundred times. Some days only a handful of times. And it doesn’t matter how long I have been practising this technique, there is unlikely to ever come a time in my life when I no longer have to. Because I am human, I will always have to stand guard at the door of my own racing mind!
Filling my mind with as much motivational stuff as possible, whenever I can. The brain needs to be stimulated, so that the mind can grow (the mind IS the brain in action, according to Dr Joe Dispenza). When I am in bed at night, I plug my headphones in and listen to a meditation recording. If I am awake in the early hours, I do the same. When I am getting dressed, I have something motivational/educational on Youtube. I read in the bath and on the loo. Any opportunity has to be taken!
Chanting.Yes, really! I do it out loud when I can, and in my head when I can’t.
My favourite is: om shrim maha lakshmiyei swaha.
This is a chant to attract abundance, and is pronounced:
om shreem mar har, laksh me ay swar har.
There is something calming about chanting, and I feel it helps to focus and balance my mind. Mind you, I did once get carried away, forgetting to chant in my head, rather than out loud, and my son stuck his head round the kitchen door, asking “WHAT the hell are you DOING? It sounds like a mosque or something in there!”
Making sure I actually ‘feel’ what I am doing, and not just going through the motions. I try to avoid using the word positive because I feel it is inadequate. Thinking positively is absolutely not enough. It is akin to scraping the surface of a deep, deep barrel. I always, always want the absolute bottom line, and spiritual platitudes are just a waste of time and energy. I NEVER put forwards anything that merely sounds good. It HAS to resonate with me, otherwise I am being inauthentic. I want to share with others that which I believe is meaningful, but I really want them to FEEL it, and not just ‘like’ it! Of course I can be evangelical in my approach, and have to realise that what is meaningful to me may not even touch another person!
I talk to the creative force of life……God, the Universe, whatever name you choose to give it…..every single day. This is based on my personal belief that, as we are part of the physical universe, and are technically made from the same stuff as the stars, we are all a sliver of the creative force behind everything that exists. It is a creative energy force, rather than a person, in my mind…..which observes us with interest as WE create, be it a mess, a meal, a business, a work of art, a war, the same old thing again and again…..it is ALL human creativity!
I have a periodic ‘board meeting’ with myself. I analyse my attitude and actions, and yes, I can say with hand on heart that I do look back and cringe, every now and then! I HAVE been in dark places, and I HAVE revealed that to the world, I am embarrassed to say. However, honest self – awareness can pull us from a deep, muddy hole, and onto dry land……until the next muddy hole, and a renewed need for honest self – awareness!
I give consideration to criticism, even if initially it makes me huffy, and work out whether or not I need to take it on board. If I DO, I do. If I DON’T, I don’t. I used to be crushed by all criticism, but that leads to defensiveness, and defensiveness is a repellent form of energy……absolutely not conducive to productive and healthy expansion of the energetic field!
I keep starting over, as necessary, and I continue to believe. NOT believing is NOT an option, genuinely, even in the face of challenge or resistance! I have definitely seen productive and meaningful changes in my life, thanks to my own effort, plus input from some amazing people, and there is still so much more on my ‘list’. I acknowledge that I can never rest on my laurels, and view self – awareness, and the growth of my personal energy field, as as important as breathing!
I hope this blog has given you some food for thought, inspired you, or spurred you on, on your own journey! There is so much wonderful information out there, so many amazing sources of inspiration, often free of charge…..there is no reason for ANY of us to become stuck, bored and uninspired!
Predictions can be incredibly helpful, but alone, they have no capacity to change anything in our life. And note that I say ‘alone’. That is because something else is often required.
Even when a prediction comes to pass, it may be interesting, but has it changed anything, or made a worthwhile difference? Sometimes the answer is no. As I say, in hindsight, it can be interesting, entertaining even, to recognise that a prediction manifested into a reality…….but what use is that, if nothing was actually gained? Call me a purist, but I don’t see the point!
And in any consultation there are always going to be predictions that are ‘fillers’, situations that can come to pass, but are not really important in the bigger picture. That is because life is dotted with such experiences, and some of them are bound to show up when having a ‘reading’. However, the more meaty stuff is different, and more meaty predictions often come with conditions attached. Or they come with warnings.
I once told an elderly customer that her son was heading for heart problems, unless he took better care of himself. No, I am not a doctor, but that doesn’t mean I cannot express something I see and feel, whilst conducting a consultation, in a calm, non – dramatic way. She admitted that he was carrying far too much weight, over – ate, and took no exercise. But she also said that she couldn’t possibly tell him, because it would frighten him. I have no idea whether or not she broached the subject with her son, and whether or not he is alive and well. But I do know that the ONLY reason to have an intuitive consultation is to gain insight and information that is potentially useful to us, as we wend our way through the next chunk of our life. That prediction had the capacity to do its job, IF it was allowed to. Pretty powerful stuff!
A woman once told me, with ‘attitude’, that I had predicted that she and her ex – husband would reunite, but that it had failed to happen. I actually remembered this lady (because of the attitude!), and I reminded her that what I had actually said was that if she was willing to forgive him, accept her own contribution to the situation, and let go of the bitterness and blame, they stood a good chance of making the relationship work. I asked her if she had stopped holding the past against him, and she said NO (with attitude!). I rest my case.
Can you see how impactful a considered prediction can be, if the attached conditions are honoured? I could have told the lady, from the above story, that she and he would simply live happily ever after…….but it would not have been true. I could have said that they would never, ever reunite, under any circumstances (and if I had seen that, I would have said so). What I could see was that they had potential, under certain circumstances, and I outlined those circumstances.
Predictions are sometimes hard to accept or believe, it has to be said. But at least they should be taken into account, and considered, rather than immediately dismissed. They can still be of use to us, even if we don’t buy into them immediately, as long as we are willing to bear them in mind. For example, we may not currently agree with a prediction that says a particular person is not going to be a part of our future, under any circumstances, but that doesn’t mean we are wise to ignore it. We can weigh up the reasons given for the prediction (and generally, reasons WILL be given), and ask ourselves if they make sense. COULD they possibly have a ring of truth? And if we decide that no, they don’t, we can still bear the prediction in mind……just in case.
And predictions can highlight the power we have to choose…….maybe one of their most important qualities! They can reveal the different potential pathways that lie ahead of us: if we do this, THAT will come about, if we do that, THIS will come about; if we continue with our current mindset and attitude, regardless of circumstance, we are likely to experience THIS, but if we make productive changes to our mindset and attitude, then THAT can happen!
Questions about current problems are often answered in a consultation that looks ahead, describing future potential, though this is sometimes overlooked by the customer.
For example, I told a lady that her love interest was definitely not a part of her future, and explained why. I said that they could be supportive of one another in the short – term (though there was dysfunction and pain between them), but that it would not translate into a genuine, mutually supportive, committed relationship. I told her that I also could not see her and her husband being honestly happy and emotionally healthy together, in the bigger picture, and explained why. Too much dark water had gone under the bridge, and although she could choose to hang on in there, it would only be for survival, and would not lead her to develop herself, and create the future she really wanted…..and vice versa. Sad, in some ways, but true. I could see an amazing life ahead for her, if only she could have the courage to put one foot in front of the other, cease creating any further complications in her life, focus on her own inner healing, and remind herself of her lost, bigger hopes and dreams. Life was waiting for her, as was freedom, travel, and a re – claiming of the adventure her earlier life had deprived her of……and new, healthy love. Yes, it was going to require courage, determination and patience, and would also take some time……but this was her happier, healthier future we were talking about! She got back to me to say she needed to know more, and her question was: she was so confused…….which man should she choose…..her husband or her love interest?
She could not hear 99% of the consultation……but she WILL always have the power of choice. As I told her, whichever pathway she chooses, there will be an outcome. Not a reward or a punishment, but a result, a conclusion.
Whether your questions/issues are connected to relationships, work/business or personal goals, an honest, predictive intuitive consultation CAN be a useful tool. Not an emotional crutch, or an emotional painkiller, or a form of entertainment…….but a tool, a piece of a jigsaw to add to the bigger puzzle, as you shape and form the picture of your life. And anyone, anywhere, can benefit from intuitive guidance, regardless of status, culture or current situation!#prediction
She let hardworking, efficient staff go, under a cloud, in favour of an immature, lazy young manager who took time off for reasons of ‘stress’, leaving a dirty, under – stocked kitchen, for those who actually showed up for their shifts. A manager who consistently stirred up trouble, cleverly disguising her motivation, presenting the colleagues who challenged her in a bad light. And when the staff who actually gave a s**t departed, the owner said “Right, now we’ve gotten rid of the back – stabbers, bull – sh*****s and nit – pickers, we can get on with things.” And yet, the biggest threat to her business remained, validated and protected. Why??
Well, there are a few reasons. The business owner in question was not really a business – woman. Opening a business is one thing, genuinely developing it and aiming for excellence, is another. And the business owner had no real interest in or passion for the business…..it was just an ‘opportunity’. She also wasn’t smart enough to recognise when she was being manipulated, and allowed flattery and so – called friendship to influence her judgement. She was damned lucky her business wasn’t investigated and closed down, because she was, at that time (I have no idea about the current state of play), breaking a number of laws, largely due to her manager’s lack of experience, maturity and commitment. And she was lucky one of the poorly – treated and under – appreciated departing staff members didn’t report her.
He treated his staff, and his customers, with equal disrespect (unless he fancied them). He allowed his love life to interfere with the running of his business, and even the act of theft wouldn’t lead to a sacking. He just couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. But the staff who were loyal and hard – working were not valued, and in fact, those who quietly got on with their duties, to the best of their ability, were taken for granted and ignored. He creamed the profits off the business to fund his life – style, allowing the premises to fall into disrepair. Customer satisfaction and service was of no interest to him. Even the most valid complaint was met with dismissiveness and denial, and a “there’s the door if you don’t like it” attitude. But people continued to work for him, and spend money at his establishment, though I am not sure why!
He was often angry and reactive with his staff, warning them that he had depression and a huge number of problems……leading them to tread on eggshells around him. He didn’t allow too much talking, or back – ground music, and the day would pass slowly and painfully! And of course he had a high staff turn – over, and a list of complaints about each and every one.
You know, some people just do not deserve to be in business! Paying the lowest hourly rate that is legally possible, expecting employees to jump through hoops, whilst being grateful they have a job, is absolutely not good enough! Developing a business should be an exciting experience. Yes, there will be huge pressure and stress to bear, and there are no guarantees of success. There will be lean times as well as buoyant times……but that is all part of the process. And yes, there will be staffing problems periodically. One of the complaints made by the first person I spoke about was that ‘people just don’t want to work…..I struggle to get decent staff’, and I didn’t entirely disagree. However, she wasn’t giving enough reasons for decent staff to hang around, and I was at a loss as to why she couldn’t see that.
Everything starts at the top, where business is concerned. A business is a wonderful and precious thing, and the staff are the absolute heart and soul of it. And if an employee is not enhancing the business, of course action needs to be taken. But bad management and poor attitude are killers, and an employer has a duty of emotional responsibility to his/her staff. Most people don’t just want to earn money, they also want to thrive, and to feel appreciated and valued, to feel a part of a success story. And the interesting thing is, the first person I mentioned, at the start of this blog, had been miserable for years as an employee, hence her desire to work for herself……and yet she became the very thing she said she wanted to escape!
Unfortunately, employees can become trapped, believing they are stuck. They fall into a quiet despair, turning up for work, but not always giving their best (if they are being completely honest with themselves). They hear others saying “there are no jobs out there”, and so they become resigned to their fate. Of course, if an individual takes this stance, they need to shake themselves up and quit falling back on excuse – making (anyone who has spent years sending out CV’s and knocking on doors, before finding a new job, can testify that although the process can be difficult it is not impossible). However, employers need to remember that, whether they are business owners or managers, an important part of their duty is to nurture and develop their staff. Without staff, there is no business. And owners need to be mature in attitude, to be above becoming embroiled in work – place politics, cliques and tit – for – tatting. And above fobbing employees off with attitude or insincere promises. And above reacting defensively if appropriately challenged. Supplying a job is only the first step in a much bigger process……a process that demands so much more than far too many employers are willing to give. As an employee, don’t sell your soul for a meagre weekly income. I promise you, with the right attitude and approach, with self – belief and persistence, you WILL attract an employer who will be honoured to have you on board! #badmanager