Monthly Archives: March 2017

HOW do you change, when you genuinely WANT to? 11 tips that can help you.

No – one will change the way they think, act and live, if they don’t feel the need to. Even if they appear to be their own worst enemy, even when others are telling them that they SHOULD change, even when life keeps on delivering the same old s**t, if they aren’t ready to change, they won’t.

I know of two people who were told, by doctors, that unless they gave up the drink and the cigarettes they would die, sooner than they needed to. Even the threat of death wasn’t enough to convince them that change might be worth the effort. And sadly, the doctors were right.

For most of us, change is not a matter of life or premature death. But life itself can flatline, and we can end up living in a kind of luke – warm mist, more influenced by selected memories of the past, than by the possibilities of the here – and – now, and the future.

And I say ‘selected’ memories of the past, because we do not remember everything in context, and neither are all of our memories, good or bad, absolutely accurate. We remember the shape and form of the circumstances that had a lot of emotion behind them, be it positive or negative, and we can re – visit them so often that the brain believes we are STILL experiencing them, and continues to respond as if we ARE. We don’t remember stuff from the past that affected us strongly, in a detached and neutral kind of way……oh no, we remember, and we respond, with definite emotion, and we ‘feel’ the experience within our body! Of course, no – one could expect us to be completely unaffected by our past……we don’t just forget everything we’ve experienced, continuously moving on to the next thing, and the next, and the next, like robots. And there IS stuff we don’t consciously remember, but even that is filed away within our subconscious mind, sometimes continuing to influence us, and so nothing is ever completely ‘gone’.

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But is it possible that it doesn’t have to be this way? Sadly, every person I have come across who has been living a muted, emotionally low – energy life, with a tendency towards defensiveness, and who consistently feels anxious, is (consciously or unconsciously) re – visiting the parts of their past that caused them pain, more often than they are feeling the possibilities of the present time and the future. And those who dismissively say “Oh, I’ve dealt with all of THAT!”, whilst clearly continuing to struggle emotionally, to put up a defensive wall against every perceived intrusion, are still being affected by whatever THAT is……or at least their memory of it. None of this is wrong, or bad……it isn’t a crime! But IS a shame. It is sad that we can be prevented from stepping into the next episode of our life, by the constant re – runs we have already seen a thousand times. 

There is another problem. We aren’t always honest. We develop a way of talking, we create an image that we project into the outer world, we build a facade…….and we ‘forget’ about the reality of our inner world (the place where our personal reality can always be found……the sanctuary of our actual, deep – seated beliefs), and we think we’ve sorted it, that the world believes our fabrication. In fact, WE can come to believe it, too, at a superficial level. The problem is, there are ripples below the surface, and our inner world doesn’t just shut up and put up……..it causes disturbance and keeps looking for new ways to escape. And THAT leads to a lot of emotional confusion, to highs and lows, to contradictions in our own thinking and in our choices, and to the belief that we need to defend ourselves. It isn’t a great place to be, and no – one genuinely feels good there. Yet it is absolutely possible to BE in that place, whilst claiming to be “happy enough with my life!”…..because we don’t believe we CAN change, or we don’t know HOW to change!

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So, what if we decide that we DO want to change, that staying put is no longer a bearable, acceptable option? What if we understand that we can’t wait for the world to change, that if we want to feel better, we have to begin with our own inner world? What if we accept that, even though the circumstances of our life may have been unfair, unjust, hard and uncompromising, we still have the power to not allow them to dictate how we approach every new day of our life? What if we actually commit to change, rather than merely paying lip service, whilst allowing our attitude and actions to remain the same? WHAT IF?

Then we start here!

1) We have to pinpoint exactly what we want to change. It doesn’t matter right now whether or not we we can see HOW change can come about, we only need to identify what the change needs to be. This can be overwhelming, it can be uncomfortable, and we can be tempted to edit or justify or defend. DON’T give in to your ego, which will be trying to keep you ‘safe’ (ego doesn’t like change)……keep going! Write down everything that comes to you, so that you have it in black and white, preventing you from becoming muddled, and forgetting some of it.

2) Prioritise. List the changes to be made in order of importance. We can only do one thing well enough at a time, and change is hard enough without biting off more than we can chew!

3) Focus on the three changes that top the list, and talk to yourself about them. Why are they important? How do they need to change, and what do they need to change into? How will your life be different, if those changes are implemented? 

4) Don’t let dull thinking, an under – used imagination, a lazy mind, stop you in your tracks! Push through the “I don’t knows”, the frustration and the resistance……come up with SOMETHING, and don’t stop until you do!

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5) Take the first thing on the list, and take one action, no matter how small. And then take another. And then another. 

For example, it might be that you want to feel less negative. So, commit to hearing the most consistent conversation you have with yourself, and change it. If you find yourself going over the fact that your mother always favours your sister, or that your father left when you were a child, or your ex lied and cheated, or that you aren’t being appreciated at work, shift your mind away from the subject, onto something more productive. And if you have to do it a hundred times a day, so be it. What you will be doing is re – programming your brain to create some new neural connections, allowing your mind to respond differently. This works, I promise you. It is a tool I have used many times, and I have healed myself of some pretty painful thought processes, which in turn led me to feel better physically. And the knock – on effect was that my attitude changed, the energy field from which I operated became more ‘attractive’, drawing more positive situations and results into my life. It’s a start, and a very important one.

6) Don’t get caught up in the wrongs and the rights. Somethings just are, or they can’t be changed, or they belong to the past and so now are dead air. Don’t waste time fighting battles you cannot possibly win, or enter into only out of anger. If there is an actual injustice you NEED to address, that makes sense to address, then approach it in an empowered way. Be honest about your motivation, and your intentions! No good pretending that you are tackling something for the greater good, when your actual motivation is revenge or bitterness! You will just tear holes in your own energy field that may never fully heal. 

7) Come from a place of ENERGY! I have been surprised and baffled by the huge number of people I come across who are intelligent, and functioning, but who operate from an energy field with all the deliciousness of luke – warm, watery custard! I am asked about future relationships by people who are absolutely not aligned with the energy of a warm, communicative, mutually supportive partnership. Their mindset, beliefs and actions are not running in line with what they say they want. I am asked about potential job opportunities by those who have no idea what it is they are aiming at achieving, and who are investing no time or energy in working it out, and who are more focused on ‘security’, and keeping within their comfort zone. Others ask me “When will I be happy”, or “When will my finances improve?”, or “Will I stay her, go there, do this, or that……?” Give the Great Creative Force Of Life something juicy and solid to work with! I CAN help people to find their footing, and have done so, many times, but I have often had to battle through a a barricade of ‘yes buts’, ‘reasons’ and defences, before reaching the place from which the effective work can be done. And sometimes I don’t manage to reach that place……even God would probably struggle…..and have held up my hands in defeat (and relief!). As I said at the beginning, no – one has to change if they don’t want to. Change has its own form of energy, and real change will not come about without being aligned with that energy!    

8) Create your own buzz of energy! I am not talking about being falsely positive, or manic, I am talking about interest, enthusiasm, and connection. Disinterest, detachment and apathy are killers of the kind of energy that is positively and productively attractive. It is possible to have problems in life (most of us are never completely problem free, at any given moment), yet still able to feel pleasure and curiosity. But if our head is in the same old place, thinking the same old stuff, creating the same old feelings, we will be operating from the same old low – energy bunker. And we will only resonate with those who already exist there, leading us to feed off one another. Doesn’t sound like a place anyone would willingly want to frequent, does it?

9) Accept that change is all about creating new habits, and be determined, consistent and patient. When you are struggling, imagine the place you intend to be, the way you intend to feel, the reward you are working for…..the reason you are changing! Slipping up is fine……giving up and sliding backwards is not!

10) You may have some pretty big problems to face, such as a genuinely unhealthy relationship, no money, and no immediate support. You can STILL begin the process of change, even if you can’t fix everything immediately. You may not be sure as to whether or not you want to stay in the relationship, and so need more time to figure it out. Start with yourself, step by step, day by day. Find ways of responding, rather than reacting. It may be that your partner is also struggling, and ultimately responds positively to the changes within you. It may be that your partner fights against you, as you change and the relationship cannot be healed (of course, if the relationship is violent, none of this applies…..get out of there as soon as you can!). Start somewhere, and keep going, even if at first it feels pointless. I promise you again, this works. I was once sinking so fast, in a dreadful relationship, with problems piling up above my head, the only way seemed to be down. But we either sink or swim, and in my case I did the crawl through some very dark, muddy water……and although it took time, I did start to find myself in slightly warmer, clearer streams, which eventually fed out into a river, and then into an ocean. And yes, there were a few sharks along the way, but I built upon every little change I made, and found me a nice piece of dry land!  Start where you are at, and take one genuine step after another, for as long as it takes.

11) Seek out those who are have something of worth to share with you……..those who can prove that change IS possible. Look for inspiration, motivation, encouragement, education and enlightenment, and absorb it. Use it as a buffer against your old, restrictive beliefs, and against those who will never leave the swamp, even if a hundred helping hands were offered. Don’t just read twee, spiritual and motivational quotes, whilst carrying on with in the same old way……you might as well not bother. Make it real, your quest for change, and fight apathy and and helplessness with every ounce of your being! There is an endless supply of free, inspirational, motivational and encouraging information out there, so don’t become bogged down by a routine that is not allowing any form of growth……seek and ye shall find!

My own life has required a huge amount of change….my work is about change, about becoming more fulfilled, more personally empowered…..more free! Don’t just passively look for answers……use insights and guidance to enhance your thinking, your decision – making, and your ability to shape and form your own destiny!#positivechange

 

 

 

 

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The Law Of Attraction – how much is thought and how much is action?

There appear to be a thousand different versions of the Law Of Attraction, as you will know, if you have been reading up on it or watching videos on the internet. Despite all of the hype, it is still being proffered by some as a ‘new’ phenomena, still being re – packaged as a recent discovery….and yes, there ARE people around who haven’t even actually heard of it (met one the other day, wow)!

But you know, life itself IS the Law Of Attraction, in operation, every second of every day, rather than being something outside of ourselves that we choose or don’t choose to get involved in. It seems to me that there are endless, invisible strands of energy inter – connecting everything, and that these strands can grow brighter and stronger if a certain kind of attention is applied to them, albeit unconsciously. And it isn’t just us who attract situations and people to ourselves……situations and people also attract Us to THEM!

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When the book, The Secret, was first published, the world went crazy. People who were unfamiliar with idea of the Law Of Attraction either dismissed it as rubbish, or grabbed at it as if it was the Holy Grail. Loads of people, with bright, excited eyes, asked me if I had read this amazing book, informing me that this was IT…..the thing the was going to change life forever.

Fast forward a year, and a high percentage of those people were now despondent and frustrated,  asking “why isn’t it working?” They believed they had been doing everything right, and as instructed, but nothing had changed. Life was still pretty much the same as it was before the miracle came to town. In fact life was worse, because now they felt as if they were failing, believing that the miracle was working for other people, but not for them. To add insult to injury, they now also believed themselves to be on the outside looking in, on those who were reaping all the rewards that the Law was withholding from THEM. I came across some very sad, deflated people, which made me sad. 

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Of course, no – one can blame the author or her book for this. People choose how they interpret information, and they choose how they respond and act. To some it was seen as a light in the dark, a miracle answer that would provide everything they had ever needed and wanted, but many of those were disappointed. However, it was a starting point, for people who had never been told, or had not previously sought out the knowledge, that life doesn’t just happen……that we DO have some degree of creative power to wield, as we move through space and time. I came across individuals who threw in the towel, feeling conned and bitter, believing that they were, after all, still stuck with the same old life. I came across others who were disappointed, but not yet ready to quit……thinking that maybe there really WAS something to this Law Of Attraction stuff, if only they could figure it out.

And so life, after The Secret, marched on, as it always will do!

The thing is, there is still so, so much I could say on this subject, but I REALLY need to try and keep it concise……SO….

We are all creating, attracting and repelling, every second of every day…..be it a mess, a mountain – out – of – a – mole – hill, a meal, a  family, a home, a business, a war…..a mood, an attitude, a belief (which is MY belief!)

The Law Of Attraction is about everything from who were are when we get up in the morning, to who we are when we go to bed. It is about the way see life in our own mind and heart. It is about our most consistent mood, our most regular attitude, and the beliefs we hold onto the most strongly. It is not just about stuff.  

The Law Of Attraction is in operation at all times…..it cannot be any other way. So, where we are, in our mind and in our beliefs, at any given moment, will be responded to by the Law. Sometimes we are just in a dark place, and we cannot see and feel the light, or any kind of hope. Whilst there, we will struggle, but still need to aim at taking some forward steps, to do our best to clamber out of the worst of it. And that is BECAUSE when we are genuinely willing to try and do what we can, to get out of the swamp, the Law will respond according to our own energy, and we WILL attract small but significant acts of assistance.

It might be that we are completely broke, and find a bit of money on the street. Or someone shows up, and says “I have been clearing out my freezer, I wondered if you could use this food?” These may not be life – changing pieces of ‘luck’, but given our circumstances, they can feel like life – savers. AND evidence that we have not, after all, been completely abandoned……something still has our back!

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The next part of this – which is SO important – is genuine acknowledgement and gratitude. It may be a a piece of driftwood on a raging sea, rather than a yacht, but it is still a life – line. The yacht can come later, when we have managed to furiously paddle our way onto dry land. Gratitude lifts our energy, and the Law will match it. It has to……it doesn’t know any other way.

But make no mistake. Paying lip service will not make a jot of difference. Pretending to be grateful will cut no ice. Every ‘yes but’ is another nail in the coffin, so to speak. When we are in a dark place it is really, truly HARD to have hope and be sincere with our gratitude, but the bottom line is that there is no other viable alternative. If we want out, we have to grab hold of that sodden log and get paddling……

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Every single day brings a never ending supply of opportunities to align ourselves productively with the Law.

Do we respond to a situation or react? Do we indulge ourselves in that bad mood, or make a conscious effort to step out of it? Do we allow our thoughts and mouth to run amok, willy – nilly, churning out stuff that is disempowering, or do we choose to pay closer attention?

Do we moan about everything, saying stuff like “I never win anything”, “there are no jobs out there”, “this/that/the other is disgusting”?

Do we complain about our job, but never do anything about it? Do we analyse whether or not we could make any changes that might possibly make it more bearable, whilst we are seeking out other opportunities?

Are we being genuinely reasonable, in our regular, everyday attitude? Are we willing to stand our ground, and do what we feel is right, WHILST double – checking our own motivation and intentions? 

Are we engaged in life, do we pick up on the little stories, do we appreciate the small wonders (like yesterday, walking in the woods, a fat little robin sat on a pile of old branches, inches from us, and sang its heart out…..beautiful!)?

This isn’t Pollyanna stuff, it is what forms the foundation of being able to use the Law Of Attraction in a conscious way. The Law is still in operation, even when we are living unconsciously……except we don’t recognise it, because we ARE unconscious!

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Finally, to the question of how much thought is involved and how much action is involved:

When The Secret was hot off the press, for some reason, a lot of people believed that all they needed to do was visualise their dreams, and they would all come to pass. I know for sure that that is true…..I met some of those people! And I am not saying that visualisation is not an incredibly powerful tool. Used in the right way, it CAN be.

But if we do not have the foundation right, we cannot build anything solid upon it. And vague, changing, imaginings, that we don’t have any real faith in, will produce a little, or nothing at all. 

And there are two ways of manifesting: deliberate and non – deliberate. 

Deliberate is where we consciously choose a specific situation or item, and focus on it regularly, even taking practical steps towards its manifestation. This definitely CAN work, if we are fairly well aligned (as in having the most productive attitude!). We might have speedy results, or it might take a while, but the likelihood is, eventually the object of our desire will become a physical reality.

Non – deliberate is when we have a real need, a real desire, coming consistently from a place of big emotion and feeling. And I believe the word need IS key…..at least, it is, in my experience.

I will tell you a few of the things I have brought into my life (and have brought me into theirs!), non – deliberately (as in, I didn’t sit down and say “Law Of Attraction, I want THIS! But I DID pour out a huge amount of energy from a place of desire and need):

Two rented homes, fit for purpose, against a number of odds, just when I needed them.

A selection of cars…..again, just when I absolutely needed them, and again, against the odds.

An alternator for a car……this one within HOURS of NEEDING it!

Over £2000, 10 days before Christmas, when the reality I was facing was not even having enough money for electricity, never mind presents for the children, or food.

£100, again, just days before another Christmas, when I really needed it. 

A washing machine, when I didn’t have one, and was struggling with hand washing, and expensive visits to the launderette.

Two old caravans, when my family were at the point of becoming homeless.

Two motorbikes.

Customers, just when I have needed them!

Teachers, just when I have needed them!

Books, just when I have needed them!

Of course, there will be a zillion other things I can’t even remember, but I am going to consciously work on bringing them to the fore, and I would advise you to do the same. Because it is from this place of acknowledgement and wonder and gratitude that we are better placed to attract specifically and deliberately!

As I said earlier, there is so much more to add to the discussion on the Law Of Attraction (and the reason I use capitals is because I believe that the Law is a part of the God energy), but at least we have taken a tiny bite out of the whole pie, so to speak! From a personal point of view, my work as an Intuitive Consultant is very much tied up with the Law Of Attraction, which is partly why I am so interested in it, and so keen to share my insights. We always have the power of choice, and we always have more than one potential future ahead of us. Prediction can guide us and warn us, and encourage to understand the Law, and to use it for our own, and others’, greater good! #loa

Confidence demystified….7 handy hints. You DO have it, and you CAN increase it!

How am I going to get the money together to buy that trike and that motorbike SOON……before the year moves on and slips away? I don’t know….exactly….for sure. 

Am I CONFIDENT that I WILL find a way? Well, I AM confident that I will absolutely do my best, and not give up. Giving up can never be an option. It isn’t just about the joys of cruising the roadways, of rolling up at bike rallies, laden down with all the trappings of comfortable camping (I know some who think that ‘real’ bikers should slum it and turn up without even a toothbrush, but I prefer to lay my drunken head on a pillow, in the wee small hours, and NOT spend a weekend with a mouth that tastes and smells like one of the portaloos, AFTER two hundred bikers have relieved themselves of gut – churning amounts of burgers and booze)……..it is also about achievement, about keeping a promise to myself……about being able to shout “YES! I KNEW I could do it! I KNEW all of this self – belief – self – help stuff works!” I am confident that I will keep going.

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So, what IS confidence? Well, I found the following explanation on the internet:

1. Feeling or showing confidence in oneself or one’s abilities or qualities.

2. Feeling or showing uncertainty about something.

NOW, so many customers have told me they have NO confidence, are afraid of the unknown, and are worried about trying anything new.  And not only do they lack confidence, they are fearful of failure. You can just HEAR the prison doors slamming SHUT, can’t you? Even I, re – reading the previous three lines, experienced a sinking heart and internal heaviness.

However, confidence is only EVER about familiarity! Everyone is confident about at least one aspect of their life……the stuff they know how to do, because they have done it over and over. Or because they tried something, and it just ‘clicked’ with them. Or because they just really enjoy doing something, without caring whether or not they are actually any good at it!

Anyway, here are 7 handy ‘confidence’ hints:

1) More confident is something we BECOME, over time. And we WILL become it, if we try new things, one at a time, or persist with something we wanted to do, and started, but then dropped. If we change nothing, we will grow old and die with the belief that we are unconfident…….and who on earth wants THAT as a legacy!

2) An outgoing personality is not a reliable indicator of confidence. Many people think that those who are chatty and communicative are naturally confident, but I have encountered a large number of outwardly lively folk who are unwilling to get out of their comfort zone……insisting they have no confidence!

3) Confidence does not equal arrogance…….confidence is warm, down to earth and enthusiastic! Confidence includes and encourages others. Arrogance excludes and belittles others. However, confidence DOES allow us to deliver genuine tough – love, when necessary!

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4) Confidence allows us NOT to be at the mercy of negative, critical, passive – aggressive people who smile whilst they are sniping at us……we got ’em sussed!

5) People who are willing to try something new, with honesty and good humour, are generally more bearable and better received than those who continuously cringe and apologise! We can all sympathise with those who consistently put themselves down, but if they continue to maintain that mindset and approach, they become a little too high – maintenance! 

6) Working to become more confident, step by step, stretches us……..we lose some of our self – consciousness, enjoy ourselves more, become happier, and more likely to try even more new stuff……and it can all begin with something simple, like painting that picture, writing that story, joining a dance class……or in the case of one lady I know, serving on the check – out at her supermarket job, rather than stacking shelves……something she feared but was forced into, only to find she was really good with the customers! 

7) We can keep adding to our list of things at which we become confident, which will lead us to become even more confident!

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So, don’t allow the belief that you lack confidence to keep you stuck in the same old place for one moment longer. Confidence is not a mystical quality, possessed only by a select few. And no – one has complete and utter confidence in all areas of life……we all have our weak spots! Confidence can definitely be developed, and it SHOULD be developed. Imagine how far our horizons can stretch, with just a bit of courage and persistence. Make a list of all of the areas of your life in which you already feel confident (for example: parenting, housework, exercise, cooking, reading, driving, your current job, communicating, organising, listening and advising, buying and selling, dancing, painting, writing, sport…….the list could be endless!), and keep adding to it, on a regular basis. Watch it grow, and NEVER claim to have NO confidence, ever again!

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