I know thousands and thousands of people win the standard £25 on the lottery every week, and some win regularly. I have not been one of those people, for a very long time, until last week. I celebrated my £25 win as if it was a million, and I put the little slip of paper that tells you you are a winner, in my purse.
And my win followed three lucky dips. I just knew, on that Wednesday morning, that I had won something on the lottery. I opened my laptop before I even got out of bed, typed in my numbers, and up came ‘you have winning matches’…yes!
Okay, £25 is peanuts to some people, and they’d say “Big deal, so what?” The £25, although gratefully accepted, is not the issue here. It is the fact that I went from having one number come up, week in and week out, month in and month out, year in and year out, to two numbers three times in a row… to three numbers! I see that as real progress, and evidence I am heading in the right direction!
And I know that some will say that wanting to win the lottery is not ‘spiritual’, is greedy, and that money can’t buy happiness. I used to be one of those people, and a fat lot of good it did me. And a fat lot of good it did for those I would dearly love to help, and for my dreams that required a bit of cash. There is nothing wonderful about scraping by, but I am grateful for the experience. I always find I appreciate something more when I know what it feels like to be without it. I have had times when I have had a bit more money, and I can say with hand on heart that it made life a lot easier and more fun.
I began to consciously work on my attitude towards ‘free’ money. I realised that there are millions and millions of pounds out there, every second of every day, just waiting to be given away, whether through the National Lottery or some other source. I said “I’ll have some of that!” and I meant it…why not me, why not you? I have to be consistent in that thinking, however, because it is easy to slip back into old ways, to focus all of our attention on every day living and surviving. Getting by can be a very seductive mindset, because it has served us for years, has allowed us to just about keep our forehead above water, and is familiar.
And of course it isn’t just money that is going for free out there. There are potential opportunities we might not even see, even though they are staring us in the face. There are ideas, absolutely for free, flowing through our mind, if only we’d pay attention. There are opportunities to learn from life at every twist and turn. And it’s ALL for free…let’s get out there and grab some of it for ourselves! I am going to continue to win the lottery in my mind, and to distribute and spend it in the way I have done, a zillion times, in my imagination. And I am going to be completely open to any and every wonderful opportunity I can attract, until the day I take my very last breath. There ain’t no time to waste!
I have put on weight. Two stone, over a period of 18 months. Some of it has gone on my face, some on my bum, but most of it has gathered around my middle, where it hangs like a half – cooked, dimpled doughnut. And I hate it.
My weight has increased because I have been eating more food, drinking more alcohol, and doing less physical exercise than I used to. I should actually weigh more than I do, given the amount I have been scoffing, and so I consider myself lucky to only be around 30lbs over my ideal weight. I do have a very busy life, I walk the dog every day, and I exercise sporadically. However, there is no denying the fact that I have let myself ‘go’, as they say, and I can only blame myself.
So why have I allowed this to happen? Am I just lazy and greedy? Is it down to my age? Maybe a little bit of both of those, but mostly it is psychological and emotional.
I always function better when there is something definite I am working towards, something I know I have half a chance of making happen, even if it means I scrape in at the very last second. I worked in advertising sales for years, and became target/goal oriented, selling my socks off and then tearing around like a maniac to get the copy in, with seconds to go before deadline (my supervisor regularly wanted to kill me). Working towards the achievement of a particular goal helped me to keep going when there were situations I couldn’t control, too. At a particularly difficult time in my life, I lost 4 stone in a short space of time, and I was ruthless in the process; walking for mile after mile, exercising, and going to bed hungry every night…I was absolutely determined. I kept that weight off for years, too, but looking back, I recognise that the pound shedding was something I had some degree of control over, at a time when so many things in my life seemed beyond my control.
Fast forward 12 years, and I weighed 7st 12lb. I could easily fit into my motorbike leathers, and despite having a little jelly – belly (that no amount of exercise could shift), I was fit and nimble, and didn’t overeat. It wasn’t hard for me to maintain this weight, it wasn’t a big effort. And going to periodic motorbike rallies was an incentive to me, as was riding my bike. This might seem silly to other people, but it was important to me. I could still go to rallies, of course, slim or chubby, but I really preferred being slim. But then my bike broke down, and my partner had an accident, badly breaking bones in his heel, meaning he could not work or ride HIS bike, which had developed an oil leak that seemed impossible to sort out. For months he was unable to walk, and so I was having to work extra hard to try and cover the income, as well as doing the stuff that he would normally do, such as cutting the grass and hedges, as well as having to do all of the housework and cooking etc. There were no bike rallies, and not enough money to repair my bike, and not much of a light at the end of that particular tunnel, as it became clear that his recovery was going to be a long one.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a pity – me story. We actually managed really well, and I was impressed by how much he pushed himself to do, on crutches, or hopping on one foot. But it all became about getting by, and I lost my charge, my motivation, where my weight was concerned. I started to reward myself with food and drink at the end of a long, busy day, and as the summer disappeared, so did my waistline. And then winter clothes covered up the developing blubber, and I just kept adding to it. This spring came and went, and he is a whole lot better, but still not able to walk properly over too long a distance. There is still not enough money to get the bikes sorted, and my beloved leather jacket and waistcoat are hanging in my office, colourful badges reminding me of happy times, and my heart lifts every time I walk through the door. “I’ll be back!” I promise them…”I WILL fit into you again!”
And today, 4th September 2017, I glanced at myself in the mirror whilst getting dressed, and felt sad. I recognised that the excess 2 stone is not just about weight, it is about hopes and dreams put on hold. It isn’t about food or diets or exercise, it is about hibernation. And of course none of this really makes sense, because it is about emotion, rather than logic. The weight stands between the old me and my bigger hopes and dreams. The weight is tied up with the idea of failure, in my illogical mind, and the sadness comes from the sense of being the child with its nose pressed up against the sweet shop window, longingly looking in without being able to enter. I could have made the effort to lose the dimpled doughnut, but somehow, weirdly, it became the doorkeeper. It had to stay until the other things I really wanted to do and be became possible. It became so tied up with them it couldn’t be released until I was in a position to make the headway I so wanted to. As I said, none of it makes sense, and I am now determined to break free of this frustrating catch – 22, shake off the layers and reclaim myself. The rest will follow.
I am not saying that no – one should carry extra pounds. I think curvy women look great (I am not curvy, I am apple shaped), and I prefer men with a bit of a build…I don’t even mind moobs. This is not about judgement. We each have our own sense of self, and we decide for ourselves how we want to look and feel and be. It’s always an inside job. Overeating is never about food, is it? It is about comfort, or reward, or habit. It is about self – protection, or self – sabotage. It is also about deflection. If I am honest, although I have been proud to have managed to keep going, I have also been disappointed to yet again be delaying some of the things I want to do. Rather than express that in the outer world, I have expressed it through comfort eating. But it really, really is time to sort it out, not for vanity’s sake, but for progression and forward movement. And for the clothes I haven’t worn for so long, packed away in bin bags in my wardrobe. And for my bike leathers. I am sixty years old this December, and I swear, I am going to ROCK my sixtieth year!
Is it possible to live in a spiritual way, in the modern world? Well, it depends upon what being ‘spiritual’ actually means to us…it is clear that different people interpret spirituality in different ways.
There are those who feel that being spiritual is completely connected to a belief in life after death, and/or psychic stuff.
There are those who feel that being spiritual means that they have to be endlessly calm and patient, never raising their voice or visibly reacting to the stresses and strains of life.
There are those who believe that not desiring more than they need, and settling for just enough to get by, is spiritual.
There are those who approach spirituality in a passive – aggressive way, using it as a platform from which they can put others down for failing to have reached their own lofty heights.
So, as you can see, there is no one – size – fits – all, where spirituality is concerned!
My personal belief is that the spirit should be free…as in free – spirited! If being spiritual is hard work, if it leads us to feel spiritually superior to others, if it causes us to feel repressed…then something is wrong because the spirit is designed to grow, to expand, to fly…not to be boxed off, trapped or stage – managed!
If we are performing spirituality, feigning it, in line with how we think it should be, it won’t feel right, somehow. It won’t be natural, or spontaneous, which is what the spirit is all about.
If we find ourselves being smug, because we have figured out how to be spiritual, whilst others haven’t, we aren’t coming from a free state of mind.
If we are consistently monitoring ourselves, editing our responses and behaviour, so as to remain spiritual, we are blocking our own natural flow.
And if we are doing any of the above, it is only because other people have told us that this is how being spiritual IS, or our own understanding is a bit skewed!
I want you to know that it IS possible to be a real, honest to goodness human being, warts and all, and still BE genuinely spiritual! In fact, that is the only way you CAN be truly spiritual, because then you will be being true to yourself! Good news, eh?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that by being true to ourselves we should indulge every urge we have, regardless. Some urges should definitely be reined in! An urge to hurt others, to control, manipulate, humiliate or get revenge comes from the ego, not the spirit. The spirit is more interested in healthy challenge, in positive use of the imagination, in productive achievement, in creativity…in life – force and forward movement. The spirit loves the stories of life, and is fascinated by even the small details. The spirit is about pushing the boundaries, whilst the ego is about setting them, and protecting them with every ounce of its being!
Of course, that all sounds a bit idealistic, and the truth is that the ego and the spirit need one another. The ego’s job is to keep us safe, to keep us on track. It does need to recognise where reasonable boundaries are required, and set them, so that the spirit is free to get on with doing its thing. The problem is, the ego has a tendency to get a bit too big for its boots, even pretending to BE the spirit, in some cases! It can become larger than the spirit, which appears to work well for some people…in the short term. Those who succeed by cutting major corners, by ripping others off, by stealing, threatening, lying…murdering even…might seem to be being unfairly rewarded for dubious behaviour, but they aren’t taking the soul into account.
Each human being is a soul, and we are alive to create, to grow, to develop…courtesy of the relationship between the ego and the spirit. The ego’s job is to watch the spirit’s back, as it embraces life, regardless of individual challenge. The soul absorbs everything the ego and the spirit create together, everything they experience, and the way in which they process it all. When the ego has the upper hand, the spirit cannot grow healthily, and in the end, the soul suffers. There is no exception…no – one flies beneath the radar. The soul cannot escape what the ego and the spirit create together, throughout a lifetime…it HAS to absorb it, and take it with it.
You have an amazing spirit that wants to develop its interests, passions and talents!
You have a spirit that wants to take each experience, each challenge, and discover the hidden gem within!
You have a wonderful uniqueness that wants to be expressed, in its own particular way!
You have a spirit that is not afraid to express itself, to speak its mind, to be firm but fair…to honour reasonable boundaries, without apology!
You have a spirit that doesn’t want to be dominated by a fearful, over – protective ego, or to be shut down by other people’s unreasonable, manipulative egos!
You have a spirit that is willing to learn, throughout a lifetime, how to develop a productive balance between itself and its compatriot, the ego!
You have a spirit that wants to make life good for others, and wonderful for yourself!
You have a spirit that wants to learn how to receive, and not just give, to accept compliments, embrace abundance and celebrate every little success!
You have a spirit that is keen to soothe the ego, when hurt and disappointment come to call, without allowing the ego to use the setback in a self – destructive way…turning the pain into its life story!
You have a spirit, therefore you ARE spiritual…and the best way to embrace that is to give yourself chance after chance to be the best, free – est version of yourself possible, regardless of what those around you think, say or do. Respect your ego, consult with it, but recognise when it is pushing its luck, and give it a polite but firm reminder!#spirit
Should we bow to criticism? Should we just suck it up and take it on the chin? And if we don’t, should we accept the response “Your problem is that you can’t stand to hear the truth”?
Well, in my opinion, it depends upon two things:
The motivation behind the criticism.
The way in which the criticism is delivered.
None of us are going to get through life without criticising others, or being criticised by others. And we have all reacted defensively, or been on the receiving end of someone else’s defensive behaviour. Excessively hypersensitive, over – reactive people are difficult to deal with, and we know, deep down inside, when we ourselves are being that way. We might not admit it, but we know it.
It may be that we have grown up around consistently critical people, and so have unconsciously learned to take even the smallest comment as a personal attack.
It may be that we find ourselves in a job that naturally attracts critical reaction, which over time leads us, if we aren’t careful, to become hypersensitive.
It may be that we are part of a social group who habitually judge and compete with one another.
It may be that we have painfully low self – worth, and wear our emotional nerves on the outside of our body.
The fact is, criticism and defensiveness go hand in hand. It takes a wise, honest soul to be able to deliver criticism in a constructive way that does not automatically elicit a defensive response. It is a skill very few of us possess, although it can be learned (am still working on it)! And a wise, honest person will never present a clearly aggressive, mean – intentioned comment as constructive criticism, and then use it against the recipient when they respond defensively. That’s a double whammy!
Motivation is THE thing to look at, when facing criticism, or considering delivering it. Passive – aggressive criticism is always going to lead to conflict, because the deliverer is always being dishonest. The intention behind passive – aggressive criticism is to wound, to crush, to put the recipient down, whilst presenting it as well – meant ‘advice’. And this is proved when the recipient, understanding that they are being undermined, responds defensively, or openly challenges the deliverer,…and the critic swiftly verbally lashes back, cutting through the pretence of positive motivation! Which is where statements like “You just can’t take the truth can you? I’m not the only one who says this stuff about you” is thrown in, like a hand grenade.
Criticism is entirely necessary in this life. We can’t all go around pretending we never do anything wrong, or that we always get everything right. And it provides us with a great opportunity to become more mentally, emotionally and spiritually mature…IF we are consciously aware of the power it holds, and commit to learning to use it wisely. It takes conscious awareness and effort, and a willingness to learn to respond, rather than react.
I would rather have an up – front approach, than one that is passive – aggressive. However, that doesn’t mean I will just take it on the chin…delivery is all – important! People who send critical emails that don’t begin with Hi Leanne, or end with the recipients name, just the message itself, are being pretty upfront about their intentions…”I am putting you in your place!” It is when these come from people I believe I have been genuinely respectful to and open with, especially those with whom I have had ongoing business, that it wounds the most (bull’s eye!), and I never take it lying down! I don’t dress my response up as something else, as my intention IS to challenge…why pretend otherwise? I HAVE had to work on my delivery, over 23 years as an intuitive consultant. I DO recognise when my approach hasn’t been up to my own standards. It hurts to acknowledge, but if we can’t talk honestly with ourselves, we’re in trouble. I know what my ACTUAL intention and motivation is, behind everything I say and do. I could possibly lie to the world, but I can’t lie to me…it’s an inside job and I know too much! But I have also set my own boundaries out there, which have developed over years of self analysis, blood, sweat and tears…and those boundaries make it simple, and keep me right. There’s a degree of leeway, but generally, those who stomp all over those boundaries don’t get back inside. It isn’t defensiveness, it is common sense. We can’t be something to everyone. We can’t develop a personality that suits every other human being on the planet. There has to be a cut – off point, for all of us, otherwise misery ensues. We end up at the bottom of the pile, be it made up of family, friends or customers, which is a lose – lose situation.
Recently, I was shopping in a supermarket I use several times a week. It isn’t the cheapest, or the best, but it is convenient. There are consistent, ongoing problems with this supermarket that everyone grumbles about, and on this particular day I was in a grump, and so I allowed a bag of hash browns (or lack of), and the assistant’s unwillingness to go in the back of the store and get some for me (because they were at the bottom of a pile), to cause me to rant to the new manager. I was speaking so quickly I felt as if I was firing bullets at him, but couldn’t seem to stop myself. I wasn’t rude, and I did acknowledge the helpful, friendly staff members, but still, I was cross. The fact that the store often had special offers on (a pound off this, or two for the price of one) that were not honoured at the till, was my main bugbear. I had to always check my receipt, and many times had to return to the till because I had been overcharged. And what about all those people who DON’T check their receipts, I demanded? He listened, calmly and politely, and then agreed with everything I had said. He explained that he had been given the job in order to try and turn the store around, and that it would take about six months to bring everything up to where it should be. He also went into the back and rooted out a bag of hash browns for me. I left with a huge smile on my face, wishing him the absolute best, but more than that I was impressed by his approach. My criticisms were valid, and not spiteful, but he could have met them with defensiveness. I left the store feeling as if I had been in the presence of someone wise, someone who could and would get the job done. There is something comforting and uplifting about that.
Those who criticise at the drop of a hat, those who consistently blame others, those who stick the boot in and then stick it in again when the recipient challenges them, are always going to be nightmares to deal with…and behind their behaviour lies defensiveness and self – protection. They are automatically making the world wrong so that they can believe they are right. It isn’t honesty (as they will often claim), it is deflection. You can’t argue with them, you will only get sucked in, chewed up and spat out. Nip it in the bud, and get out of their space, tout suite.
However, some criticism is necessary, and we need to learn how to deliver it, and how to accept it. Otherwise we won’t grow. Our ego doesn’t like it one bit, and so we have to talk to it, explaining that although it hurts, this particular nugget is actually good for us. And again, we have to remind our ego that the two things that matter the most are INTENTION and MOTIVATION, filtered through self – awareness, and measured up against personal honesty! If we remember that, we can always hold our head high!
I recently realised I was sick to the back teeth of online bulls**t, and all of the motivational, entrepreneurial and digital marketing ‘experts’. I had reached overload, and could not stomach one more word from any of them.
I am not denying that the world of self – help has been of massive help to me. I have worked hard over the years to enlighten and educate myself, and find it difficult to comprehend how so many human beings manage to get through life without ever picking up a self – help book, or listening to a motivational recording. On the other hand, I am aware that self – help can become addictive, and have witnessed many, many individuals becoming junkies…..one seminar, podcast, book, video and audio recording after another and another….without actually doing very much at all with their newly acquired awareness and knowledge. The seeking BECOMES the goal, rather than a means to the goal.
And I have definitely made use of tons and tons of free info, learning how to do technical stuff I could not afford to pay someone else to do for me. I am genuinely grateful for that.
However, all of this can lead to great dissatisfaction, not to mention insanity. On one hand you are told that you need to be strong and powerful, to never give up, to fight for your dreams and your beliefs….to shape, form and create your own future. On the other, you are told that you need to be at peace, to not want or need anything, to only desire it, and let it go. To believe that everything you desire is already yours, and to calmly and happily get on with your life, without giving any of it another thought…and if you do so, it will all become manifest.
On one hand you are told that thought – intention alone is not enough…you have to MAKE things happen. On the other you are told that too much action is interference, and is coming from a place of strain and lack of faith.
And everyone is now a life coach, a marketing expert, an online millionaire in the making. Unless you have the right kind of ‘landing page’, and an emailing list that contains a zillion names, and unless you are putting out webinars, and selling online courses for a couple of thousand dollars/pounds, to a thousand customers, you are nowhere. Unless you know all about social media advertising, and if you aren’t working 20 hours per day on your ‘dream’, you can never be successful. Unless you join the right social networking groups, run by the ‘solopreneurs’ who rub shoulders with the marketing/motivational elite, you aren’t even on the bottom rung.
What is it all really about? Sales, baby. Money. And there is nothing wrong with that. I have worked for years on my own dysfunctional, unrewarding relationship with money and opportunity, a quest in which I have definitely been assisted by massively – paid gurus. I am in business, and I do my best to promote and sell my services to the world. I have big plans that require chunks of cash, and I have the same dreams that other people have….to help my children financially, and to give more to charity. And I want to continue to work on becoming the best possible version of myself. I am just sick to death of being bull – pooped to within an inch of my life! No wonder people don’t enter into this stuff….I almost wish, at times, I had never started (only almost…I wouldn’t really want to lose all of my hard – earned realisations!). The more brown stuff they pile on you, the more they want your cash. The more they schmooze you, the more you know that they need YOU more than you need THEM. The more they harass you, the less they actually care about whether or not their service/product is of any real use to you. The more they tell you about what you need to know, do, be and achieve, and that THEY have the one and only solution (for a hefty fee), the more you know that a million others are queuing up to supply you with exactly the same solution (for an equally hefty fee).
The truth is, the world is a buyer’s market, NOT a seller’s market. The power lies in the hands of the person with a spare few quid, never mind a million.
I don’t mind being sold to, and I do believe in advertising. How else would I know what is out there? People say “If I want a service, I will go out and look for it myself”. This is partly true, but not wholly. Most people don’t have the time, will or energy to really do the research. Motivational/educational self – help IS incredibly important, for anyone who doesn’t just want to survive life, and who wants to develop ongoing self – awareness, and to understand how to live up to their own potential. Online business IS the way to go, in this modern age, but so many are operating from a now completely saturated market. Would – be online zillionaires, who have paid thousands to learn how to sell to other would – be online zillionaires, are so desperate to be heard above the rest, they are drowning in the bulls**t swamp…and many will never emerge again.
Don’t join them. Learn from them. If you are one of the many I have come across who has lost yourself in the wonderful but illusive world of self – help and enlightenment, and yet still feel as if you are struggling, and still seeking, maybe it is time to recognise that you probably know enough right now, and let yourself off the hook. Dip back in every now and then, or stick with one or two people who generally inspire you, without causing you to feel dependent.
And if you are one of the many, many hopeful, but fearful and disheartened ‘trainee’ entrepreneurs I have come across, aspiring to be like your mega – successful heroes or heroines, and secretly feeling as if you are failing horribly, and that you will never know enough, or be enough, or earn enough….get a bull – dozer in, clear the mountain of bulls**t you are struggling to scale, go back to basics, and be yourself. You CAN be successful in YOUR way, and at YOUR speed, and without 90% of the crap you have been told you absolutely NEED to buy! Keep it simple, honest and true, and be consistent….and you will come up smelling of roses, not the other stuff!
Every human being has intuitive capacity! Every single one of us will experience our own intuition at play, many, many times before we leave this world. However, many people still live their lives unaware of this fact, and others write it off as coincidence. Our intuitive capacity remains largely misunderstood, but as the centuries go by, and the human race continues to evolve, this will change!
There are a number of reasons to explain why I do not call myself a psychic. I used to use the term, some years ago, but I was never comfortable with it. I decided that ‘intuitive consultant’ was a much better fit, and more accurate, in line with the service I offer.
Reason 1 is that there is an awful lot wrong with the so – called psychic world (though of course it isn’t all bad), and the way in which is understood and approached. Many times I have been insulted on the internet, by people I have never met or had any communication with, being called a con – artist, a shammer, or one who “preys on the vulnerable”. This is because of the reputation my line of work has attracted, which sadly, isn’t always without cause.
Having worked within the intuitive arena for over 20 years, and having had a wide range of experiences, I am more than aware of the kind of stuff that goes on! I started in the days before the internet played a role in everyday life, and telephone psychics were big business. Every woman’s magazine ran ads for telephone readings, and they were not cheap! Most were £1.50 per minute, charged to the telephone bill, and because there was no upfront payment, a lot of unhappy people were tempted to call and call again, using the service as a emotional crutch, running up massive phone bills in the process.
I really did not enjoy working for these companies, and admit that I did it for the money, eventually quitting for good, when a woman called from a home for abused women, asking not about herself and her children, but her love life. I could no longer validate or encourage self – destructive behaviour, under the guise of ‘psychic’ readings. I became increasingly concerned about the number of people who appeared to be dependent upon the service, and the number of so – called readers who were just not good enough to be employed, or who were out and out con – artists. There were some decent readers, of course, but they were few and far between. Nowadays, the internet has replaced those small ads and those companies, which is a good thing, on the whole.
I have performed hundreds of stage demonstrations, been featured in publications, appeared on radio, and I travelled out to give consultations to groups of customers, several times a week, over a 20 year period. In other words, I have been around the block and back, where my work is concerned!
I retired from travelling out, or giving group bookings, around two years ago. I was becoming increasingly defensive and angry, before I’d even arrived, and so I knew it was time to quit!
And this leads me to reason 2.
I met a lot of really lovely people, who treated me very well. However, I also found myself in some very uncomfortable situations, and at the mercy of some pretty dubious behaviour! On one occasion, as I walked up the path to the front door, I had to pick my way through a bunch of unfriendly women, sitting on the ground, smoking. Not one acknowledged me, or returned my greeting. They were difficult, negative and resistant, throughout their consultations, and because they swapped the cigs for vodka, they were constantly walking backwards and forwards to the toilet, whilst I was trying to work. One of them claimed her mother had paid for her, in advance (not true), and getting my money from the others was difficult. I felt so intimidated, I secretly called my daughter, and kept the phone by my side, until I could get out! The problem was, I really needed the money, and so had to stick it out, leaving myself feeling grubby and violated.
Alcohol was a major issue, where group bookings were concerned. Often it was seen as a ‘girls’ night in’, and the noise would escalate to unreasonable levels. Also, half of the customers would be drunk by the time it was their turn to see me, and impossible to work with! One arrogant young woman stropped in, wine glass in hand, announcing that every psychic she’d seen had told her that if she didn’t like the consultation, she didn’t have to pay….and she assumed the same applied to me. Hell no! This had been a booking for 6 people, but when I arrived I was informed that 3 had dropped out, though no – one had thought to let me know in advance. I had already given two consultations, and of course was not going to agree to give another with no guarantee of being paid….and so I left! I had travelled some distance, and paid for fuel, for the sake of two customers, and to be treated as if I was of no consequence whatsoever. I have a long list of similar horror stories, enough to lead me to begin to dread those journeys, becoming, as I say, reactive and defensive before I had even arrived! Not good.
I also found that a number of those who attended group bookings (not everyone, of course), were of a particular mindset. They were there because their friend had the ‘psychic’ in, and they wanted to see what I could pick up about them. As one woman said, as she plonked herself down in front of me, arms folded across her chest, “Every psychic I’ve ever seen has been able to tell me how many kids I’ve got…can you?” These are not the kind of people who would go to the trouble of booking an appointment with me, and then travel to my home, or pay for an online or phone consultation. They were there for entertainment, and because all they had to do was walk up the road! Reason 2 is that my line of work is often seen as nothing more than entertainment, and completely disrespected. If I called myself a psychic, I was more likely to attract this kind of business, which was soul – destroying. I was really relieved to finally quit the group bookings, and realised that actually, it isn’t an appropriate environment or approach for intuitive guidance. As I said, I met some really lovely people, and I will always be grateful to them. But the loss of income was worth the loss of those who really just wanted a fortune teller, and something to do for fun!
Reason 3 is that there is a tendency for psychics to describe themselves as having a gift of a sixth sense, which suggests that they have something others don’t have. As I said earlier, every human being has intuitive capacity, although that doesn’t mean that everyone can or will become a professional reader/consultant. There is more to being an effective intuitive consultant than initially meets the eye. I have invested years of my life in the development of my intuitive and coaching skills, in self – study, and in the study of the human spirit, emotions and mind. I am still learning, and will be until I take my last breath. An intuitive consultant needs to be able to ‘read’ the customer from the inside out, and not the other way round. They need to be able to highlight the stuff that is hurting or holding the customer back, to be able to outline the different pathways that lie ahead, and to explain why certain things are being expressed. Insight is almost more important than the predictions, in some ways. I have an excellent track record for accurate long – term prediction, but the fact still remains that if we do A one thing will happen, and if we do B another thing will happen. The power of choice always lies in the customer’s hands.
There are those who only want the services of a fortune teller. They don’t want to hear about the potential choices, or the things they probably need to change. They just want to hear something they like the sound of, or doesn’t demand too much from them. That is absolutely fine, of course. However, I have worked hard to prevent myself from being tarred with this brush, as it does not represent the service I offer.
There are those who use science as an argument against the validity of intuitive work, but I believe that a true scientist has an open, massively curious mind, rather than one that is closed. There is so much that science is still trying to figure out, and if you check out YouTube videos on stuff like string theory and black holes, you’ll view and hear about things that are way more outrageous and mind – blowing than any boring old intuitive could come up with! And we didn’t even really know that there was a universe, until 1925, according to a science show I recently listened to on radio 4. I was gobsmacked, and looked it up on the internet. Of course, it wasn’t as simple as saying “Oh, look, there’s the universe”, but still, we learned something huge, less than 100 years ago, that we didn’t know before…..and that is something that is going to happen again and again, thankfully!
There are those who say things like “I only believe what I can see”….well good for you, is my response. I can’t wait to spend time with you, having some great, inspirational conversations…not.
There are those who have never invested one second in the research of the subjects they have so many opinions about, including intuition. They are usually the ones on Facebook For Sale sites, leaving what they believe to be ground – breaking, never – heard – before, caustic comments, after my ads. Oh, we’ll all listen to you, and be influenced by your uneducated views on subjects you have not researched or experienced, and about people you have never met or spoken with…not. And I think that about covers everything I wanted to say, today, on the subject of intuitive work!
Those damned trees keep getting in the way, preventing us from seeing the glory of the woods. And they especially love to do this when we enter into the weird and wonderful world of dating.
I have to tell you, this is something I definitely know about. Around 75% of my customers are seeking an intuitive consultation because of dating/relationship issues, regardless of where they are in the world, regardless of colour, creed or culture. Our biology is the same, our wants, desires and fears are the same. And there are only so many problems that we human beings come up against, only so many ways of reacting, only so many ways of expressing the same stuff that others are trying to express.
Of course, there are always variations, and no story is exactly the same…but if we knew just how many others have experienced what we ourselves are struggling with, we wouldn’t feel so alone, or so undermined, or so full of self – doubt, indignation and frustration!
There are people who meet the ‘one’ without much effort or drama. They give the rest of us hope, whilst also causing us to feel cross….how dare they?? Why is it so easy for them??
Well, their story is theirs, and ours is our own. Their journey is not ours, and there might potentially be something so much better for us, personally, just further down the line. Sometimes we fall into the trap of comparing. We look at where others are at, and then where we are at, and we conclude that we should be where they are. OUR life should be like theirs. When are we ever going to meet the ‘right’ one, and settle down? Why do we always meet the ‘wrong’ person, and why can’t we just find someone to be happy with?
Attraction, dating and romance is tricky stuff, and sometimes we do reach the point at which we can’t see that damned wood for those pesky trees. Sometimes we aren’t helping ourselves, but because the subject of ‘love’ is such a sensitive and highly charged one, we can become ultra – defensive, protecting ourselves against any suggestion that we might need to reassess our own approach. But we shouldn’t feel bad, because developing and nurturing relationships are the biggest challenge any human being will ever face, and we didn’t come into this world with a handbook on the subject. It can be a real learning curve, but there are a few things we can do to help ourselves:
Avoid excessive idealistic thinking and expectations. That doesn’t mean we need to avoid romance, or become cynical…it just means that we need to recognise when we have forgotten that attraction and flirting and lust is not love. It is great, and feels exciting, but it can also create an illusion that cannot stand the test of time. We can enjoy it, but also see right through it…there may or may not be something solid on the other side!
Putting a need for commitment (THE BIG C!) ahead of really taking the time to develop something that will naturally, and without too much discussion, evolve into something mutually supportive, can put too much strain on a developing or slow – moving relationship, and cause us to feel insecure and miserable. I recently asked a very nice and genuine lady, who told me that she wanted a committed, serious relationship (with a guy who was clearly not complying), to specifically define her own version of commitment. I felt that this guy was, in his own way, committed to her, that he did care about her, but that his version of commitment was different to hers. On paper, the relationship was not a great one, but intuitively I felt that it could be different, better, more satisfying…if only it could be approached in a different way. I also asked her why she wanted a ‘serious’ relationship ( a little tongue in cheek, I admit!)….how sexy does THAT sound!
Ignoring the obvious signs and our own inner voice of common sense can be disempowering to us. It can keep us hanging onto a non – relationship that is only serving to undermine our sense of self – worth. We know, deep down inside, when we are being treated dismissively and disrespectfully, even if we pretend not to recognise it. And because we know we are pretending we feel even worse about ourselves, which keeps us hanging on for longer, hoping for a reversal in our favour.
Keeping our ex ‘alive’ in our emotional world, even though deep down inside we know that the relationship is over, and that the problems that led to the break – up remain unresolved, is okay, but it creates and emits an energy that carries the message “I am not free to attract a genuine, mature, mutually supportive relationship, with long – term potential.” We cannot hold the past AND the future in our hands, all at the same time, and we have to remember that regardless of what we say with our mouth, the truth of our inner – world will always dominate, energetically speaking. If we honestly want to move on, we have to move on from the inside out…physically leaving is one thing, but leaving emotionally is another. It can take time, but we CAN do it!
We can seek insight and guidance, from a neutral source, to help us to reassess and re – group, and come up with a new plan of action! As I said, attraction, dating and romance can be difficult to navigate, and we may have developed one or two unhelpful habits that we don’t even recognise. We might have to set aside old beliefs and expectations, we might have to face one or two uncomfortable truths, we might need to draw a straight line and hop over it onto the other side….but the effort will be worth it, and it may not be as difficult as we fear! A smart young woman, who had had a number of consultations with different readers, on the same subject (her ex), told me that something I said had reminded her of a memory she had obviously repressed…a memory that put her ex in a different light. I was intrigued by her response, and her honesty. She had unconsciously edited the past, writing out parts that put a question mark over the relationship, and the way in which she had been remembering it. I have no idea how she will choose to process the ‘newly updated’ version, but suspect that it might be the beginning of a new journey for her.
The desire for genuine love, to be with someone who really wants to be with us, in the real, everyday world, for more than a day, a week or a month, is perfectly natural….but for many it can at times seem to be an impossible quest. We have to be willing to put aside idealistic thinking, and defensive, fearful reaction, and get down to the bottom line. Problems with attraction, dating and romance require the same kind of approach that other problematic areas of our life demand. We can really USE our head where work and finances and practical stuff is concerned, but LOSE it where romantic love isconcerned!
I can definitely help to sort through the fog, and provide insights, guidance and prediction, whilst the customer has to be willing to take stock, readjust where necessary, and do some emotional decluttering….allowing room for growth, and even the totally new!
Click onto the consultations page to see my latest listing: Your Love Life!